So, er, if you liked Alice', and want to see the same film, but done in Germanspeak, then you'll probably enjoy this as well.
Ja. Ich Bein Filmploppen etc.
Friday 27 September 2019
14/07/19 Kidnapping Stella (2019)
This German film originally was listed on IMDB as its own thing, in the trivia for the film, it's now described as a remake of The Disappearance Of Alice Creed. Just as well as they're almost identical.
So, er, if you liked Alice', and want to see the same film, but done in Germanspeak, then you'll probably enjoy this as well.
Ja. Ich Bein Filmploppen etc.
So, er, if you liked Alice', and want to see the same film, but done in Germanspeak, then you'll probably enjoy this as well.
Ja. Ich Bein Filmploppen etc.
14/07/19 Operation Odessa (2018)
The only documentary from recent months that I'm including here, mostly because the story it tells is more outrageous, unbelievable and entertaining than the plot of any espionage thriller I've seen in a long time.
I won't give away details, it'd take too long to explain, but it's certainly a great film and well worth seeing.
I won't give away details, it'd take too long to explain, but it's certainly a great film and well worth seeing.
14/07/19 Point Blank (2019)
A man punches and shoots lots of people.
Not bad if you're in a punchy-shooty mood, just don't expect Shakespeare.
As he's been dead fucking ages. You'll have to watch it on your own.
Not bad if you're in a punchy-shooty mood, just don't expect Shakespeare.
As he's been dead fucking ages. You'll have to watch it on your own.
12/07/19 Body Count (1986)
An Italian slasher film pretending it's an American one, made in the '80s. That probably tells you more than enough about the quality of it.
However, it does have this fantastically named lady in the cast:
However, it does have this fantastically named lady in the cast:
That poster is from a different film. Which also appears to be Italian and therefore probably terrible.
Anyway,
"Yup, I'm one of the last of my kind. The big land barons moved in, bought up everything. fifty years ago, I had two-hunnerd acres. Mimsys growing as far as the eye could see. Now all the mega corps just be sittin' in their towers, looking out at miles of Butt meadows and Penis Fields. Damn shame, you ask me."
#IAmMimsy
07/07/19 Deadsight (2018)
Mini-budget zombie flick which, if I remember correctly, was actually half decent.
Dunno, all the zombie flicks kinda shuffle into a giant horde, mentally speaking.
Dunno, all the zombie flicks kinda shuffle into a giant horde, mentally speaking.
07/07/19 Detention (2011)
Silly but enjoyable teen slasher/time travel film.
The original idea for this blog was for us to use it as a memory aid, we watch a lot of films, (probably obvious) and it was meant to be little more than a list of titles and score.
It's kinda reverting back to the shorter stuff, entirely 'cos I often can't be bollocksed to waste time tapping out dull nonsense and terrible jokes for the benefit of no-one but myself.
I should make more effort though.
Not just on here, I mean, like, everything in life. Exercise, friendships, travel, reading... Still, doing all that shit would prevent me from watching so many -mostly shit- films.
*Sofa*
*Crisps*
The original idea for this blog was for us to use it as a memory aid, we watch a lot of films, (probably obvious) and it was meant to be little more than a list of titles and score.
It's kinda reverting back to the shorter stuff, entirely 'cos I often can't be bollocksed to waste time tapping out dull nonsense and terrible jokes for the benefit of no-one but myself.
I should make more effort though.
Not just on here, I mean, like, everything in life. Exercise, friendships, travel, reading... Still, doing all that shit would prevent me from watching so many -mostly shit- films.
*Sofa*
*Crisps*
30/06/19 The Running Man (1987)
A film about people being framed for dissent against the state and crimes they didn't commit then being murdered on live TV for the entertainment of the viewing public.
So, probs about two years away then.
"This week on 'Touching Breasts'... men!"
Aah, that old familiar "FUCKING HELL THE LAST BUS OUT OF CROYDON LEAVES IN TWO MINUTES" sense of absolute mortal panic.
From the little known sequel, The Jogging Woman.
28/06/19 Feedback (2019)
Film about a radio talkshow host being held hostage whilst live on air. Starts off very well, then gets more and more unlikely until it flops to a dull finish. Aah well.
5/10
5/10
Thursday 26 September 2019
24/06/19 Nightmare Cinema (2018)
If I remember correctly, this was so punishingly shite, we gave up just over half way through.
23/06/19 The Kid (2019)
Another film telling the story of Billy The Kid.
(Yorkshire: Bill T'Kid)
Not bad.
(Yorkshire: Bill T'Kid)
Not bad.
22/06/19 Bullitt (1968)
The first DVD I ever purchased was this film, some twenty-odd years ago. I'd never seen it. Although the disc got a fair bit of use, it was only June this year that I watched the full film for the first time.
Almost everyone is aware of the car chase in this film, for someone like me, it's pretty much the only reason to watch it. I've certainly never bought into the whole 'King of Cool' McQueen cult, he always struck me as a rather dull screen presence with a singular facial expression which resembled gravel trying to think.
The story is OK, the standard bent folk in City Hall Vs. morally upright cop stuff, but blah, blah, blah, a 1968 Mustang GT.
Almost everyone is aware of the car chase in this film, for someone like me, it's pretty much the only reason to watch it. I've certainly never bought into the whole 'King of Cool' McQueen cult, he always struck me as a rather dull screen presence with a singular facial expression which resembled gravel trying to think.
The story is OK, the standard bent folk in City Hall Vs. morally upright cop stuff, but blah, blah, blah, a 1968 Mustang GT.
Yes, I know, in a world where our continued reliance on fossil fuels is accelerating our own demise, it is both morally void and increasingly redundant to find such engineering relics objects of desire... but fuck me sideways, I'd fucking love to thrash one of them for an afternoon. Afterwards, by way of penance, I would plant fifty trees and read nine Guardian articles about my own terribleness.
Actually, fuck that. Let's say an entire week followed by a ten acre forest. Cheers.
"Chief, the conspiracy is true, I've been cloned!"
"Oh my! This is shocking!"
"No he hasn't, ignore the imposter. I mean, me."
The Dodge Charger ain't too wank, either.
22/06/19 Say My Name (2018)
Lightweight comedy about a one night stand and a robbery.
Fluffy, undemanding stuff.
Fluffy, undemanding stuff.
22/06/19 Vamp (1986)
Silly old nonsense about idiots and vampires. Fun enough, if you're in the mood for such twaddle.
Bloody hell, Camilla. Ease up on the foundation, eh?
"You finished arseing around yet? I gotta use them to fry me chips."
"Like, OMG!!!"
22/06/19 A Host Of Sparrows (2018)
Half decent, nano-budget thriller about an ex-con trying to retire into a peaceful life and reconnect with his remaining family. A stay at a guest house drops a fat bollock on his plans.
Orginially made under the working title of A Guest Of Pigeons.
Or A Soiree Of Penguins.
A Moshpit Of Parrots
A Gathering Of Pelicans.
Run out of birds beginning with P.
Orginially made under the working title of A Guest Of Pigeons.
Or A Soiree Of Penguins.
A Moshpit Of Parrots
A Gathering Of Pelicans.
Run out of birds beginning with P.
Peregrine. Fuck it.
22/06/19 Vault (2019)
A heist film set in the '70s.
Er...
A 1970s et heist film.
A film about a robbery, taking place in the decade 'twixt the '60s and the '80s.
A movie detailing a theft that occurred some years ago.
Some blaggers nick shit in the ol' days.
Er...
A 1970s et heist film.
A film about a robbery, taking place in the decade 'twixt the '60s and the '80s.
A movie detailing a theft that occurred some years ago.
Some blaggers nick shit in the ol' days.
22/06/19 Death Do Us Part (2018)
Drama/sort-of-comedy about a pair of young married folk who stay in their flat when the zombie apocalypse happens and work their way through a big stash of drugs and booze, stopping occasionally to argue and murder people.
Neither funny or horror film-y enough to make much impression.
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt7624934/
Neither funny or horror film-y enough to make much impression.
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt7624934/
21/06/19 Chase (2019)
Diddy-budget flick about (prepare for a shockwave of originality) a hitman looking to get out of the game.
From what I remember, it was actually pretty decent and some effort had been put into the script.
From what I remember, it was actually pretty decent and some effort had been put into the script.
19/06/19 Daughter Of The Wolf (2019)
Bobbins revenge flick about a mum trying to get back her kidnapped child.
Total waste of the cast's acting ability and Gina Carano's fantastic pummelling skills.
Meh.
Total waste of the cast's acting ability and Gina Carano's fantastic pummelling skills.
Meh.
15/06/19 Domino (2019)
Some Europlod investigates who killed his partner.
Typing that just makes me think of the Fast Show sketches about the two cops in Amsterdam.
14/06/19 Hotel Mumbai (2018)
This British co-production, with a largely British cast is finally being released over here in late September many months after the rest of the world got to see it. However, those cheeky internet folk released it onto numerous streaming sites so was accessible to anyone with a mouse and keyboard a while back.
As for the film, it's odd that we now live in such a global maelstrom of horror, that an event as terrible and significant as this, or the events that the film's based on at least, had become a vague "I think I remember this happening" in both our minds.
On the assumption that much of it is close to the truth, the bravery shown by the staff of the hotel when it was under attack by whatever subset of lunatics chose them, was astounding. As Mark Kermode put it so well in his review, it's a film that shows you both how awful and inspiring humans can be.
As ever, there's the question of moral justification, turning tragedy into 'entertainment' and profit, but let's at least hope the people involved in making it had some decent intentions.
As for the film, it's odd that we now live in such a global maelstrom of horror, that an event as terrible and significant as this, or the events that the film's based on at least, had become a vague "I think I remember this happening" in both our minds.
On the assumption that much of it is close to the truth, the bravery shown by the staff of the hotel when it was under attack by whatever subset of lunatics chose them, was astounding. As Mark Kermode put it so well in his review, it's a film that shows you both how awful and inspiring humans can be.
As ever, there's the question of moral justification, turning tragedy into 'entertainment' and profit, but let's at least hope the people involved in making it had some decent intentions.
Wednesday 18 September 2019
06/06/19 The Kid Who Would Be King (2019)
A kid-friendly version of the King Arthur story set in modern times. I'm not really the intended audience, but it's a good family film and even I enjoyed it enough to make it to the end.
06/06/19 Captive State (2019)
Science-fiction flick set a decade after our alien overlords have turned Earth into their bitch-planet and are using us for food or something similar.
Anyway, it's slow moving, well acted and thoughtful rather than the usual Independence Day shit.
Cheers.
Anyway, it's slow moving, well acted and thoughtful rather than the usual Independence Day shit.
Cheers.
A Violent Separation (2019)
Half-decent small town crime/cover-up type thing.
Not much to add, really.
Not much to add, really.
28/05/19 The Poison Rose (2019)
Forgettable noir mystery full of people who can do, and should know, better.
26/05/19 From Beyond (1986)
You're probably reading the wrong blog if you don't already know of this film.
However, that's working on the assumption that anyone IS reading this old piss, which is doubtful. Anyway, if you are, and you're uncertain if you know this one, it's the horror film where people grow dicks out of their heads.
However, that's working on the assumption that anyone IS reading this old piss, which is doubtful. Anyway, if you are, and you're uncertain if you know this one, it's the horror film where people grow dicks out of their heads.
"Are you sitting down?"
"Nah, just fucking short."
"That's a shame. Still, I'm a lengthologist, I might be able to help"
"Really? Make me taller?"
"Yes, I've invented a bright green wizards hat which has the possibility of making you normal sized."
"I'll do it!"
"Hang on, half-pint! There's great risks involved. You have to be sure."
"I'm ready. It's worth the danger."
The National Lottery's attempt at sexing up the weekly draw was a dismal misfire.
"Yeah, I tried the green wizard hat. Gave me a splitting headache."
*Baddum*
26/05/19 Greta (2018)
An older lady befriends a much younger woman. At first all seems well, then it turns out the older woman might be a murderous loony.
The moral of the story? Never trust anyone you meet, less so if they seem gentle and kind.
In fact, the next time you meet someone who seems like a decent, well adjusted human, just point at them, repeatedly shouting "PROBABLE MURDERER OR BABY FIDDLER!" as loudly as you can until the police arrive and arrest them*.
The moral of the story? Never trust anyone you meet, less so if they seem gentle and kind.
In fact, the next time you meet someone who seems like a decent, well adjusted human, just point at them, repeatedly shouting "PROBABLE MURDERER OR BABY FIDDLER!" as loudly as you can until the police arrive and arrest them*.
*You.
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