12/07/12 Attack Of The Herbals (2011)

Slating micro budget films can almost seem a little unfair, on the assumption that they don't have the time. equipment, people, locations, effects and access to decent post production facillities means that any film completed for relatively tiny sums of money (IMDB says £15,000) are commendable for effort if nothing else.

Doesn't stop 'em being a bit cock though.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1948521/
3.5/10

Perkin.

08/07/12 Perfect Life (2010)

A bad film about something or other where a woman gets run over in Brighton and a man has a drag race in a Honda Prelude in what looks like an Essex car park even though it's set in America.

Lost interest after ten minutes, couldn't find it again.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0479204/
2/10

Vroom!

Perkin.

08/07/12 Spooked: The Ghosts of Waverly Hills Sanatorium (2006)

I've enjoyed bowel movements that had greater documentarian integrity than this fucking rubbish.

From what I can tell, it was created primarily as a promotion piece for the also-fucking-terrible film Death Tunnel. Which I also don't suggest you watch.

Decaying, abandoned buildings are interesting, especially ones with well documented macabre history, like Waverly Hills.

It takes a special level of arsehole  to take a story that's essentially been written for you and turn it into something so idiotic.

Any documentary that cites photographic 'orbs' as resolute proof that spirits are amoung us needs a kick in the bollocks.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0437484/
2/10

'The fuck is that meant to be? Looks like a fat child taking a shit.

Perkin.

08/07/12 Some Guy Who Kills People (2011)

As viewed by Some People Who Watch Films. It's a comedy-horror that has an occasional chuckle and a few people being bumped off. Good script, everything else is a little 'meh'.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1568341/
5/10

Perkin.

06/07/12 Dawn Rider (2012)

There are  no characters called Dawn. That was the first disapointment, the second was very average everything else. Donald Sutherland has a massive white beard in this, bit like Captain Birdseye.

That'll do.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2014202/
5/10

Perkin.

01/07/2012 Lockout (2012)

Mike from Neighbours (sorry Guy Pearce, you can pretend to be a proper grown up but you will always be Mike from Neighbours) must rescue the president's daughter from a space prison which has been taken over by the inmates.  It sounds ludicrous. It is ludicrous.  It is however enjoyable and doesn't take itself too seriously. There are a couple of chortlesome lines and the always awesome Joseph Gilgun is excellent.  Could have done without the last 15 minutes but meh.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1592525/

6.75/10

Podd

30/06/2012 Full Metal Jacket (1987)

Inferior remake of Private Benjamin - they took out all the jokes!

Not really, it's a serious war film following Marine recruits from training all the way to 'Nam. Well acted and a good soundtrack. Kubrick's other good film to go with The Shining.  Eyes Wide Shut and Clockwork Orange are complete toss.

*sigh*, poor old Pile.

8/10

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093058/

Podd