25/11/12 Malibu Shark Attack (2009)

Some penis-nosed pixel-sharks enjoy the taste of bad actors.

Lightweight, undemanding powdered arse.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1478325/
2.5/10

Perkin.

24/11/12 The Exterminator (1980)

Pocket money cover version of Taxi Driver starring the screen's most pudding-faced action hero.

Made in New York when it still looked like an exploded version of Croydon rather than the giant shiny box of wankers it is now.

Contains a cast so ugly you wonder if people's heads were a different shape back then.

Not good, but entertaining.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0080707/
5/10

Carry On New York.

"The name's Egg, Reginald Botley Egg."

"Yak! Yak! Yak! Yak!"

Bloke in hat. LOL etc.

Perkin.

24/11/2012 Footsteps (A.K.A Vengeance Day) (2006)

Just terrible on all levels - lacks direction, decent plot, pace and acting.  Fans of Gareth Welshbloke's The Raid will be very disappointed, as were we in the Plop Cave.  The lead in this film never acted again. Just as well.

1/10

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0770753/

Podd

24/11/2012 Going Off Big Time (2000)

Above average Brit crime drama with some genuinely amusing dialogue. Neil Fitzmaurice looks noticeably younger to his Geoff in Peep Show days.  Bernard Hill is very good as old lag Murray.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0241492/

8/10

Podd

23/11/2012 Public Enemies (2009)

Johnny Depp wears a hat then gets shot in the face.  It's well acted and directed but too long and fairly unengaging. And Christian Bale is annoying. Good soundtrack though.

6/10

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1152836/

Podd

22/11/2012 Shame (2011)

Selfish yet quiet Michael F. Assbender is a bit put out when his selfish yet whiney sister comes to stay as her presence makes it difficult for him to pursue his sex addiction (conveyed by him shagging willing women, wanking and looking at internet porn - a.k.a being a bloke). Meh, this is the most tedious film I have fast forwarded through for a while and I completely lost interest after Assbender stopped walking around with his man-wand out (not bad, by the way). Shame? Shame there's no plot more like!

Film: 2/10
Penis: 7.5/10
Carey Mulligan's nude scene: 2/10 (1 point per boob for effort but you needn't have bothered)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1723811/

Podd

21/12/2012 Sinister (2012)

Ethan Hawke is a writer (default film character occupation B after photographer) who relocates his family from a super swanky mansion to another incredibly large house, however what it doesn't say on the estate agents' particulars and what he doesn't tell his family is it's a MURDER HOUSE, the previous occupants being the subject of Hawke's latest book.  He becomes increasingly paranoid in a Shining style as he delves into the history, aided by some super 8 film footage conveniently left by the murderer.

It starts well enough and is well acted but is let down by the ending even though it is slightly darker than the usual Hollywood fare.  Also, despite Hawke regularly causing several loud commotions in the middle of the night (usually falling out of the attic), his family never wakes up to ask what the fuck is he doing.

5/10

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1922777/

Podd