Another found footage
film. At least they put some thought into it. Not much, but enough to justify
its existence.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3772918/
4.8/10
Perkin.
Thursday, 6 August 2015
01/08/15 Spy (2015)
Are you an
undemanding, mentally soft, fleshcog in the machine of absolute cultural
hegemony? Then you'll love this film! It has a fat lady who wears wigs and
swears! You'll think it's brilliant, then when it's finished drive home in your
four-door diesel car back to your semi-detached house, drink a single glass of
supermarket wine, tut at the late news headlines, then go to bed and possibly
perform unsatisfactory sex with your partner whilst secretly thinking of that
person from work.
Awful film made for
cretins that deserves to have every single copy put into a giant wicker fat lady and
burned whilst spectators perform pagan acts of rutting, invoking the ancient
dark ones who will bring destruction to the writers and financiers responsible
for creating such horrendous sensory assaults.
Utter fucking
bumwash.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3079380/
1/10
Perkin.
--/07/15 War Inc. (2008)
Little seen John
Cusack film that was originally intended to be a sequel to Grosse Point Blank.
I'll have to watch
GPB again as everyone seems to wank themselves purple over it and I remember it
being a bit meh.
Anyway, this films
definitely meh.
Shame as I've always
liked John Cusack. With his funny face and stuff.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0884224/
5/10
Perkin.
--/07/15 Ghoul (2015)
Until recently,
pretty much up until I put this film on, I was one of the few remaining fans of
the found footage style. However this one has pretty much dropped it all in the
bollock-bin for me.
Shite premise.
Annoying, screechy acting. Unlikely character decisions.
Using a real life
child killer, many of whose victims will still have surviving family, as the
supernatural threat of your fucking rubbish spook-flick is also something of a
cunt's move.
All in all a poorly
made heap of fucking rubbish that all involved should be ashamed of.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3101132/
1/10
Perkin.
--/07/15 Break A Leg (2005)
Hello again.
Missed out on July's
final few entries, so you can have them now. Aren't you lucky?*
Struggling actor
decides to start doing dodgy stuff to get noticed. By dodgy stuff I mean
pushing casting rivals down stairs and suchlike, not fisting porn or midget
snuff.
Stuck somewhere
between a comedy and a drama without being very strong in either, it was still
a fair effort.
Could you imagine if
this was a British film? Rather than pursuing small roles in mega-budget
blockbusters, and drowning their sorrows in balmy, neon-lit bars, it would be
about some actor hoping to get a role in a panto and dipping his fishfinger in
a cup of tea.
Heh. Dipping hi
fishfinger. Sounds rude.
*No.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0315323/
6/10
Perkin.
Monday, 27 July 2015
27/07/15 Laserblast (1978)
It would work well as
a double bill with Gymkata.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0077834/
5/10 (With +/- 5 points, depending on what you're after)
Dr Mellon? Sounds more like a Sid James kinda thing to me. Y'know, assisted by Matron Bristols etc.
"That's right, son. U.S. Army insanity division. Decorated at the battle of Bibble-Bibble Ridge. No if you don't mind, I'm busy, those windows ain't gonna lick themselves."
"Desmond! Found yer egg whisk, mate. left it in the desert again, you bellamy!"
"Would you like a glass of piss?"
"Yeah, thanks, er, Rodney Bewes?"
"To give the quick explanation, Croydon."
"I'm about to start my French car for the first time, will it be safe?"
"...Nope."
Perkin.
26/07/15 Catch Hell (2014)
A young actor gets
kidnapped by a pair of rednecks as he apparently did a sex with a Mrs Redneck.
Some lightly satirical touches that elevate it beyond the usual
bumrape-in-a-shack stuff.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2403558/
7/10
Perkin.
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