--/01/16 Let Us Prey (2014)

A young ladyplod starts her first shift at a remote police station. Showing an admirable eagerness, she arrests a slow-witted car thief on the way in after he crashes into a bearded chap who then disappears. As soon as she gets to the station, she realises that the few other copperplods based there are the types to ignore the policy book apart from the times they're using it to beat people round the face or wedge open a fire door.

Soon into her shift the bearded chap walks in. Rather than asking for his version of events, they decide to put him in a cell as apparently being the innocent party in an accident puts you under suspicion in that place.

It turns out that the bearded chap may not be as human as he appears and, well, pretty much everyone is a right fucking wrong 'un and he's there to confront them with their sins.

The two leads, Pollyanna Mckintosh and Liam Cunningham are both very convincing, some of the supporting cast aren't really up to par so they kinda frustrate the overall quality a little. Shame as it could've been really good instead of pleasingly average.

Also, and it's a real pisser, a few years back I wrote a book with a plotline so similar it'd be almost embarassing to try and get it published now.

Although, obviously, it's loads better. Steven Hawkings said it's the best book he's ever read!*

*He was talking about a different book at the time, but that doesn't matter.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3148348/

7/10

Perkin.

--/01/16 Kingdom Of The Spiders (1977)

Made in 1977, starring William Shatner, about spiders. You can work out the rest.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0076271/

To Boldly Go/10

Perkin.

--/01/16 The Blob (1958)

This was Steve McQueen's first leading role. He was playing a teenager, he was 27 and looked ten years older. The elder townsfolk keep refering to him as "Kid", it made me chuckle. Also, the blob looks a bit like an angry ballsack. That also made me chuckle.

In a world where people achieve so much to advance the progress of mankind, I spent ninety minutes in my dressing gown on the sofa before work yesterday laughing at a gelatinous mass that's slightly scrotal in appearance. Well done, me.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0051418/

Blobalicious!

Perkin.

--/01/16 Sinister 2 (2015)

Even sinistery!

Mediocre sequel to also-shite first film.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2752772/

3.4/10

Perkin.

--/01/16 Robin Hood: Prince Of Thieves (1991)

Set during that curious period in medieval English history where most of us were American and Nottingham was a much, much nicer place.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102798/

6.5/10

Perkin.

--/01/16 Riot (2015)

A man gets sent to prison and then has a fight for the rest of the film, stopping for mere seconds at a time to allow small plot issues to be discussed.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt4642044/

4/10

Perkin.

--/01/16 The Curse Of The Werewolf (1961)

I loved this film when I first saw it as a kid in thirty something years ago. Watching it as an older, fatter human I still enjoyed it although some of the plot points (Oliver Reed becomes a werewolf because he's an illegitimate child born on Christmas day?) are a big pot of testicles.

Fascinating story time. Years ago I was mates with a fellow who was good chums with Oliver Reed's son. He was really into his custom bikes and suchlike. He was considering using a Rolls Royce as the base for a trike. Apparently Rolls Royce got to hear of this and threatened legal action (can't see how they could, but anyway) as it would besmirch their good name, or some other such fucking poncery you'd associate with the builders of the world's finest cuntwagons.

When Papa Reed heard of this he was apparently very enthusiastic that Jnr. go ahead and build the thing so that he could bring great publicity to the court case and show up Rolls Royce for being pissy spastics.

Who build really expensive cars for wankers.

Well, when I say 'fascinating', what I should've typed is 'A story'.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0054777/

7.2/10

Perkin.