--/07/16 Latest Fucking X-Men Film (2015)

A guy wakes up all grumpy after a big nap and decides to kill the world after watching the TV and realising the entire planet has turned into some kinda Centre Parcs for cunts. Know how he feels.

Micky F. Assbender does his serious face and the little Scottish one inherits his slap-top. Oscar Isaac acts like a big blue twat. Quicksilver's rescue scene is a stand out moment, hugely entertaining in a film that's otherwise 2.5 hours of arseache. The Wolverine cameo is a big stack of bumholes.

Enough of that shit, let's have some music instead. Listen to this. The greatest band you've probably never heard of. If you disagree, fuck off.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3385516/

4/10

Perkin.

--/07/16 Night Of The Living Deb (2015)

Blah blah blah, zombie comedy that isn't as funny as the game performances and zippy pace suggest. Alright I 'spose.

Just Seen that Maria Thayer, the woman who plays the Deb of the title is nearly the same age as me. She's certainly doing something right. Looks 15 years younger than she is, if not more. 

Then again, she probably doesn't consider Monster Munch and whisky for dinner and five hours sleep a night as part of her routine. 

imdb.com/title/tt3602128/

5.8/10

Perkin.

--/07/16 Gravity (2013)

Space Bullock.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1454468/

Perkin.

--/07/16 The Paranormals (2014)

Mini-budget comedy about some manchild losers who try an establish themselves as professional ghost hunters.

It's harmless silliness and actually better made than many films that cost millions more.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt4198944/

7/10

Perkin.

--/07/16 Middle Of Nowhere (2008)

I didn't watch this, Podd did. She says it was "OK, quite good natured and not much happens."

Stay tuned for more in-depth reviews.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1032817/

OK/10

Perkin.

--/07/16 Army Of Darkness (1992)

The Evil Dead films are a fine example of (for want of a less wanky phrase) artistic dilution. The first one had a budget the size of a peanut, was made when people were available to get away from their real lives for a night or two and used inginueity and creativity to make a genuine classic of a horror film. One that's fun, well paced, original and actually scary.

The second one was essentially a remake of the first, but with slapstick comedy and clownish performances replacing the edge of the first one. "Here's some money, soften down all the things that made the original good so we can sell it to more people. We're aiming for the 18-49 Fuckwit Demographic."

By time this third film was made, the series had become some sorta cartoon for cretins.

Utterly awful.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106308

1/10

What a total shitpig.

Perkin.

--/07/16 Band Of Robbers (2015)

A low budget film based on the Huckleberry Finn stories that gets very close to hipster indie wankism but manages to stay on the right side by actually being quite funny and entertaining.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt4048668/

7/10

Perkin.