02/2017 My Father Die (2016)

Very decent low budget revengey gun-fest. Unusual for having a deaf, socially-backwards near-halfwit as the avenging protagonist, who kills people wearing a big silly hat.

Crap ending, but otherwise good effort!

Perkin.

02/2017 Interstellar (2014)

I've never wanted kids, but fucking off to another planet  to avoid them is a bit much.

Still, they are annoying.

Bet there's a porn version of this called Enter Stella.

Perkin.

02/2017 Valley Of The Sasquatch (2015)

Low budget film about some chaps in a cabin that gets attacked by a basket* of sasquatches.

*As they don't officially, or probably in any way, actually exist, I think we're free to make our own collective noun for bipedal cryptids:

A flotilla of Yetis.

A somersault of Orang Pendeks.

An eyeful of Bigfoot.

A balloon of Almas.

Etc.

Hello again. Bet all three of you are glad there's some more Film Plop reviews above, aren't yer?

02/2017 Pioneer (2013)

Something about some Americans joining a Norwegian Submarine team to go looking for something under water and it all goes to bollocks.

Think it was half decent. Again, can't quite remember.

Fuck submarines though. That'd be well scary if something went to shite whilst you were a mile under water. At least in things like mountaineering, a jungle trek or even flying somewhere, if things go wrong you have options. If you're in the deep sea you're 100% dependent on the vessel. I don't even trust my Toyota 100% and I spend most of my time on 40mph roads.

Yeah, balls of foil, me.

Prob half decent/10

Perkin.

02/2017 Bottom Of The World (2017)

A young fella goes for a drive and manages to lose his girlfriend. Not in the breaking up or down the back of the sofa kinda way, but in the pseudo-Lynchian "Ooh, everything's changed and people have different names and have I dreamt my entire existence? Look there's a priest who used to be my teacher or pet chaffinch or something, ooooh! How weird!" type way.

It wasn't the worst, or most pretentious, film of this type, and it started off well... But meh.

5/10

Perkin.

30/01/17 Immune (2016)

Other reviews of this post-zombie apocalypse film have said that it's a reflective study on themes of loneliness and need.

Fuck off. I normally try and champion low budget films, but this one's a proper coiled turd of dullness and ineptitude. I appreciate that, at this level, anything that even resembles a finished film at the end of editing is likely to have been a labour of love, but generosity has limits.

If watched with others, this could be greatly funny, or at least fun. There must be a drinking game that would work well with this:

Take a sip every time:

Someone delivers dialogue so flatly you could use their voice as a spirit level. (Seriously, Steven Hawking's chair has a greater vocal range than everyone in this.)

Actually, no, don't do that. You'll be pissed, unconscious or dead before the first twenty minutes are up.

Although if watching alone, you might feel the need to drink to get through the whole film.

Y'know what, thinking about it, everyone should check this out. I could tap on for ages about how piss-poor it is, but only witnessing it for yourself will truly get it across.

Also, this film, apparently, had a budget of £180,000.

So, presumably, the director bought a Bentley for £179,500, a camcorder, and a KFC Family Bucket to cover catering?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt4692364

2/10

Perkin.

30/01/17 Gimme Danger (2016)

If you look up the Stooges on Wikipedia, then imagine a small leathery man reading it out to you, that's pretty much what this is.

If you're a fan, you'll like it, if not, probably won't.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1714917

1969/10

Perkin.