07/03/14 Bedazzled (2000)

Sometimes-almost-funny half-weight fluff about a guy almost selling his soul blah, blah, blah.

 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0230030/
5/10

Perkin.

06/03/14 The Bag Man (2014)

Bobby DeNiro hires Johnny TheCusack to pick up a bag and wait for him in a motel. The motel appears to be some kind of David Lynch theme park with various odd folk and rum buggers using it as the base of their curious activities.

It mostly works, Cusack is bland but DeNiro is flippin' superb in most of his scenes and reminds you that he used to be famous for actually being good at acting an' shit. The vibe is definitely Lynch-lite, but mostly works.

However, it all falls massively to bollocks during the last scene where the director/co-writer, a guy called David Grovic, casts himself in a pointless vanity role which he performs so fucking arsingly bad it almost spoils the entire film and makes you forget that he's potentially highly skilled as a director and writer. Also, the big reveal, where you find out what's in the bag, is floppy bumholes as well.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2212008/
5/10 (It would be higher if the last scene wasn't such a massive arse wearing a giant hat made from other arses.)

06/03/14 Somewhere In Time (1980)

I missed the end of this when it was on TV about thirty years ago. Finished watching it today. Not my usual sort of thing being a totally soppy romance flick, but love is a good thing. And I really like the time travel element.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0081534/
8.5/10

Perkin.

05/03/14 Nightmare City (1980)

A man with a beard goes to an airport. A plane lands and lots of portly zombies in suits get off the plane and start whacking people with sticks.

It's Italian.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0080931/
4/10 or possibly loads more if you're pissed/in the mood for utter ballsack viewing.

"Hands up if you're embarrassed"

Hello.

"Any chance of a lift?"

"Yes, mate. Jump on, I'll drop you at Tesco."

"The name's Mud, Cedric Mud."

Boris Johnson. Total cunt.

"Look, Gary! It's the 'Shop of Yellow Things' where I bought this jacket."

"Miriam, shut up and get in the jeep before these fuckers wake up from their road siesta."

Perkin.

05/03/14 Fear (1990)

A psychic lady helps police find bad people. One of them turns out to also be psychic. At the end, they all go to the fun fair. Slightly TV movie feel, but has some genuinely creepy moments.

 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099557/
6.8/10

Perkin.

05/03/14 The Devil's Rain (1975)

Half-baked silliness about some devil worshipping arseholes who all melt at the end when some special water splashes them.

Directed by a guy from Croydon!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0072869/
4/10

Perkin.

03/03/14 The Returned (2013)

A bunch of Canadian folk are infected by a zombie virus but manage to keep it under control by injecting magic proteins. Then the proteins start running out. Uh oh!

Sorry, as it's Canadian, running oot.

Nothing to do with the French thing that sounds similar.

Anyway, it's a thoughty type of zombie film with minimal gore and shizzle and only two head shots in the entire film. It's very good!

Main bloke totally looks like the Coldplay singer. Don't let that put you off.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2093270/
8.5/10

Perkin.