30/03/16 Nina Forever (2015)

Bit like an emo hipster version of Hellraiser.

But with a really annoying thin woman who won't fucking shut up instead of that bloke who slithers up from the floorboards or Pinhead.

It's probably an excellent film, and I can see why many people think it is, but it's just not for me.

However, if I was handing out awards for fucking fantastic meat-pillows, the (living) girl in this would be a contender for gold.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2885628/

4.8/10

Perkin.

29/03/16 Slender (2015)

If I wanted to be all chin strokey like one of them poncey reviewers who actually give a splash, I'd prob write something including shit like "Blah, blah blah, digital age has created it's own folkloric entities... Blah, blah, blah, the nature of something 'going viral' can have ominous secondary blah, blah, blah..." but I can't be bollocksed. Instead this is a found footage film where a bunch of wankers disappear up their own arses due to a pretend internet ghost.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3317158/

4/10

Perkin.

28/03/16 Rites Of Spring (2011)

For most of the running time this is almost two seperate films, one about a strange rural cult making human sacrifices to some cornfield deity to ensure a season of bountiful crops, (probably what those wankers The Countryside Alliance get up to) the other plot is about a group of small-time chancers attempting a kidnapping/extortion on a local wealthy businessman.

The acting's good, it's tightly edited, short running time, decent sense of peril, excellent camera work, what more do you want from a low budget film like this?

Also, if anyone's looking for a name for their pretentious indie band, I've just decided Cornfield Deities would be flippin' great. If you take it and you're successful, just do a song called 'Cheers, Filmplop' by way of thanks.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1227789/

7.2/10

Perkin.

28/03/16 Carry On Jack (1963)

Nail-biting documentary.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0057919/

100/10

Perkin.

27/03/16 Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Reborn

Obscure art-house, mumblecore remake of the massive global blockbuster Turkish Star Wars. It tries hard, but it'll never match the original.

Perkin.

27/03/16 They're Watching (2016)

Found footage film about a house renovation show that accidentally gets involved in some rural supernatural bother over in one of those East European countries where people drive to work on a potato. Actually enjoyed it more than I normally would, but it's probably because I watched it during today's quiet shift at work rather than sitting at home eating chocolate like every other bastard.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3096858/

6.7/10

Perkin.

26/03/16 The Big Short (2015)

Strange film, 2hrs and 10mins long and it's about the 2008 financial crash, yet it still manages to be entertaining and swift moving.

Aside from Brad Pitt's vanity role, there's very few likable characters. The main players are a bunch of people who saw the crash coming, claim it's the work of criminal financial institutions who use the taxpayer's (especially those on a lower income) money as the bricks to build their castles of fiscal immorality.

All very true and fair enough.

However, those same people all then take rich people's money to invest in the probability of a global economic fuck-up, and make gargantuan profits when it happens, making themselves, and the wealthy, a lot of money from everyone else losing all of theirs. These people are framed within the plot as the rogueish, plucky underdogs of the financial world, when all they're doing is playing the same game as those they claim to despise, but a little more astutely.

So the conscience the film tries to project feels false as it still comes across as a prayer in the temple of money.

That said, the final five minutes are quietly powerful. Steve Carrell's character reflects on the banking world crashing and says along the lines of "It'll be the same as it's always been in times of economic hardship, immigrants and the poor will take all the blame", and there follows a voiceover describing how rather than the crash tethering the excesses of the financial world, it has in fact given them more freedom than ever.

Yeah, pretty much nailed it there.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1596363/

7.5/10

Perkin.