05/10/13 Fast & Furious 6 (2013)

Luckily the opening credits sequence of this film works as a recap on the entire series so far. Very useful for me as I had managed to miss numbers 2-5 as well as the second half of the first one after realising midway through that I had experienced puberty some years before and had overshot the intended demographic by a number of decades.

Anyway, in this unexpected* twist on the franchise Vin Diesel (real name Danny Petrol) and Paul Walker (real name Susan Hiking-Boot) open things up by having a race 'round a mountain in some ponced-up whiney go-karts  which I swear is some sort of intentional homo-erotic metaphor; each unnecessary, thrusting gear change representing a desire to  nudge each other up the bumper.

The rest of the film plays out exactly as you'd expect, with the added charm of making every woman either a wordless, titty bimbette or a scowly, treacherous growler.

The climatic chase takes place on a runway (Article about the silliness of it here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-magazine-monitor-23005848) and it reminded me of a time twenty years ago when me and a chum got onto a disused runway off the A3 near Guildford and thrashed the wank out of his 1100cc Mark1 Fiesta racing up and down it. Sadly no tanks exploded out of his bonnet.

It does have a Jensen Interceptor briefly appear though, one of the most beautiful cars ever made.

 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1905041/
1/10
Or 10/10 if you're in the mood for a cartoon.

Ponced-up rollserskate.

The scriptwriter dictates the finer plot points to his secretary.

Dave loves to tell people what his favourite historical era is.

"What you driving these days, Nigel?"

"A tank."

"Stop shooting the printers, Eddie. You utter penis."

Perkin.

*Not unexpected.