21/03/15 Spring (2014)

More a romance film with some horror, than a horror film with some romance although enough of both to satisfy fans of either.

I thought the last film from the Writer/directors, Resolution, was a steaming coil of boring, and went into this expecting more indy hipster dullery. Pleased to say I was very wrong and this flick's excellent!

A troubled Yank lad realises that he has nothing to keep him in his home town, or even country, and so decides to jump on a plane and find a better life in Italy. He spends some time getting drunk with some Brits (well, we're good at it) then finds a job on a farm gathering up apples or something. He meets a young lady, and they rapidly fall for each other. Only problem is, she's a little different to most. To say anything more would give too much away, but I promise you this is very good.

The acting and script are sharp, the locations mesmerizing, the humour's excellent and the speech at the end, summarising the beauty, fragility and brevity of life is as good as I've seen in anything.

Excellent.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3395184/
10/10

Perkin.

15/04/14 The Terrornauts (1967)

Never heard of this until Empire magazine reviewed it last month describing it as a British version of Plan 9 From Outer Space with Charles Hawtrey. Pretty fair summary.

Lovely silly twaddle.


http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0062355/
8/10

"Sick beats, blud."

"Aye, gonna drop a phat mix on yo bitches."

Brilliant!

"Lord above man! We may be facing death from a hostile alien force, but there's still room for tea. We're British, not savages!"

"Quite right, Barnaby!"

*Slurp*

"Not in public, Gary! Put it back in my drawer."

No expense spared, or actually used, in set design.

"Where's Grandma, Grandad?"

"Funny story lad, you're holding her."

I'm tired, but imagine some caption involving the banana and innuendo.

"Have you done something new with your hair?"

"Glaaaaaarg reethh asshh"

"Oh, a new claw! I knew there was something different."

Perkin.

29/06/13 Zulu (1964)

3-4000 Zulus defeated by 150 British soldiers, most of whom were injured or ill. Moral of the story? Don't fuck with the British.

Of course, that's ignoring the colonialism and empire building that frames the events depicted in the film.

Also, if the film is to be believed, no one used to bleed in battles back then and people died from bayonet wounds without the blades actually touching them, making a hilarious "Meep!" noise as they expired.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0058777/
5/10

Perkin.

31/05/13 The Facility (2012)

A group of people decide that £1000 a week is enough to let some probably qualified doctors inject unknown drugs into them.

Turns out that the drugs have various side effects: trembling, nausea, hallucinations, murderous rages and make your head expand and go puffy.

It all goes a bit bollock-shaped as people start succumbing to the drugs and attacking the others whilst they're all trapped inside a locked-up hospital/lab type place. Bit like a low key 28 Days Later.

Still, grand a week? Probably be worth a punt.


Slow moving but decent.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1650044/
6.5/10

Perkin.

26/11/12 Backslasher (2012)

I was going to praise this as a noble effort by a bunch of people who had previously never held or stood in front of a camera before... Turns out most of 'em have done both a few times.

*Think of a compliment, man!*

Er, the women are quite attractive in that 'British' way.

(Actually British, not gormless cunts like Kiera Knightley or Kate Winslett. Pair of fucking pissmongs)

The film's terrible shit though, there's no escaping that truth.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2316433/
2.5/10

No relation to Frontshitter.

Alright then, just don't tell anyone.

Perkin.