26/04/14 Ghost In The Machine (1993)

Made in that era when most people had just about heard of the internet, but no one really knew much about it, so screenwriters would slap in words like 'mainframe' and 'computer log on' and hope they'd be future proofing their script long enough to ensure a profit.

Anyway, a serial killer who chooses his victims by stealing address books and killing the people in them, dies whilst inside a hospital scanner thing and defies every known law of physics, biology and electricity by climbing into the new fangled exciting interwebnets to stalk his next victims via microwaves, computers, dishwashers, plugs and all that stuff.

It's fantastically arse.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0107009/
Loads/10 (In a rubbish way)

"Attractive women in my area wanna meet me? brilliant!"

White people. Terrible, really.

"What is this magic speaking noisebox?"

"It's a phone, you bellamy!"

"I don't understand."

This is my control centre that prepares me for 'sexy time'. Once I flip Activate, prepare yourself!

"I have a better basic understanding of science than the writers of this film."

Twenty years ago, these graphics were amazing*

*Shit.

"I still don't get this thing. Does it be magic?"

'My Conjoined Ethnically Different Mini-Twin' was a low point for '90s sitcoms.

Perkin.

03/03/13 Decay (2012)

Thimble-budget swot-horror about things going bollocks-up at the LHC, resulting in zombies turning up at the world's biggest science tube.

I'll fill the rest in later as I'm off to work.*

*Sadly not at some massive tribute to the Half Life games.

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Hello again, it's now the next day so I'll finish this.

Anyway, film was made for £2000 by lowly physics students and is free to download or stream at www.decayfilm.com

No one involved had made a film before and, yeah, it does show in some (most) of the acting and the pacing could be tightened, however, the camera work is excellent, the effects are OK, using the actual CERN/Hadron Collider as the location is very cool and the blonde girl looks great running around in a vest.

Judged against actual films with budgets and a half decent crew, this wouldn't score highly, but as an effort made by a group of absolute amateurs, learning as they go along, and putting it out there for anyone to watch free of charge makes it a commendable effort. Good on 'em!

Although I was hoping that a fully armoured robo-Hawking would turn up at the end with shoulder mounted gun turrets and be all, like, "Yo in my house now, zombie bitches!" *Blam! Blam!*

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2523692/
6.5/10

"Five more minutes looking for the God Particle, then it's an afternoon on SexyTube"

Science nap!!!

"You said I could type!" *Sulks*

"'Ello, Terry. How you been?"

"Not bad, Clive. Yerself?"

"Aye, mustn't grumble."

Perkin.