11/04/12 Xtro (1983)

Fucking splash horror/Sci-Fi that is considered a cult classic by internet arsewits.

The first 20 minutes show some real promise, and there's a amashit (amazingly shit) scene where a full-grown man climbs out of a woman's fanny, but then it just turns into a boring cup of  cock that looks like it was filmed in someone's flat, in a weekend, where the primary directorial instruction was "Film it, we'll use it. Try to be a bit odd and use smoke machines".

Fucking rubbish. Fuck off.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086610/

2/10

                                                                            Perkin.

10/04/12 The Fields (2011)

Slow paced, ambiguous yet very satisfying (for want of a less wanksome term) psuedo-spooker.

It's rather good.

7/10

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1401236/

                                             A field, appropriately enough. (Also contains car)

                                  Zeplin's Robert Plant is much shorter than expected in person.

                   Asda's range of portly sheriff porch gnomes was more successful than expected.

                                                                               ...Yup.




                                                                             Perkin

09/04/12 Heat (1995)

Good of Film4 to put this on, although the 9pm start time meant that, with adverts,  it had a 3h20 running time.

Still watched it all.

Even though we have the DVD.

A nearly faultless crime flick (alright, the fact that most female characters are portrayed as little more than victims of their husband's forceful personalities is a bit rubbish) it's one of the few films that live up to, and exceed, the hype.

The IMDB trivia page has some interesting stuff; Andy McNabb was a consultant on the shooty stuff and the (bloody amazing) post-heist shootout has been shown to armed forces as a model display of retreat under fire... "When surrounded, grab a passing child as a human shield"?

Anyway, the film's fucking brilliant.

10/10

                                                                             Perkin.

08/04/12 Mad Foxes (1981)

Without a doubt this is the best film ever.

                                                                          yup.

                                                                Phat ride, homie!

                                                           "What you up to, Nigel?
                                                                                                                                                                              

"Looking at some men, then I'm gonna grow a moustache"

"Sweeeeeet"

                                           "Fo' sure, I jus' love dem titties, as I'm all heterosexuals"

                                              N-Sync's comeback look was a surprise for some

                                                  "Hi, welcome to Gary's World of Pipes"

                                          "Glad you could join me in my bath full of piss"

                                                       "Empty wine bottle motherfuckers!"



http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0083291/

1,000,000/10 !!!

                                                                        Perkin.

08/04/12 Best Laid Plans (2012)

Contemporary interpretation of Of Mice And Men, set in an unnamed British city which just fucking drips misery. Although Steinbeck's book isn't exactly considered a humourous classic either. The plot of the book is more of an influence than something strictly adhered to, and the films none the worse for going in its own direction.

This film definately has flaws, but they're over-shadowed by the good.

Excellent. Well worth a buy.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1764198/

9/10

                                                                         Perkin.

07/04/12 Seven Below (2012)

Boring.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1988781/

3/10

                                                                         Perkin.

06/04/12 19 Doors (2011)

Writer stays in abandoned hotel, unconvincing ghosts happen. Filmed in stilted, wooden hilaro-vision.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1899100/

2.8/10

                                                             *Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew!* Superman!

                                                 It was at that moment, I knew I wanted him.

                                             "Where's it gone? I was just holding my golden canteloupe"

                                             "I am disapointed by this giant phone!"

                                            "'Sup, yo? Me? Jus' chillin' in my crib, fo shizzle."



                                                                               Perkin.