16/02/13 Rise Of The Zombies (2012)

Alcatraz. Zombies. Acting. Baby. Terrible.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2236182/
2.5/10

"What's my motivation, darling?"

Perkin.

16/02/13 Stitches (2012)

Sporadically funny geordie Ross Noble plays a children's party clown who accidentally dies during a brat's birthday gig.

Six years later he rises from the grave to get revenge on the slightly older children.

Reminded me a lot of the '90s film Funny Man, which is a really unfunny, shit effort that seems to have an enduring pseudo-cult appeal to many people. This is slimly better, but not a huge amount. Some of the gore is camply excellent though.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2126362/
5/10

Perkin.

15/02/2013 Officer Down (2013)

Stephen Dwarf is a cop whose has had dodgy stuff happen to him and he goes to find out who made the stuff happen and stuff.  It's well acted but fairly unengaging and Dwarf's head is now too distractingly wrinkled.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1925479/?ref_=sr_1

5/10

Podd

14/02/2013 Border Run (2013)

Sharon Stone, a woman whose career only exists because she flashed her ladyfluff 20 years ago.  Casino aside, her film and acting history is a bit patchy (and playing a ginned up mentalist in Casino probably wasn't much of a stretch, indeed she may not have realised she was even making a film).  Let's not forget she has snogged Michael Douglas with no visible signs of repulsion so perhaps she isn't too shabby after all.

Anyway, this film is a rather tedious effort about her trying to find her brother who has possibly been killed trying to cross the Mexican border.  Stuff happens and you see her boobs.  The black hair doesn't suit her.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2069955/

4/10

Version with black hair

Version with blonde hair and different name.  Wonder if they made her shoot it all again with a different wig?

Podd

10/02/13 Grave Encounters 2 (2012)

The first Grave Encounters was one of the better found footage spookers. It was still shit, but some of the performances (the psychic is a particular highlight) were entertaining and a few of the scares worked well. However, the sequel is pretty much just shit.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2231554/
2.5/10

He's probably grumpy due to not having a cock.

Perkin.

10/02/13 Stand Up Guys (2012)

Blimey, Al Pacino now looks old enough to play his own granddad. In fact, the four main cast members of this have a combined age of 295 years.That's approximately fifteen Inbetweeners. However, pensioners are frequently far more interesting then the happy faced sparkle-children that hog the cameras in film world.

Anyway, in this creaky limbed sanatogen-fest. Pacino gets out of prison, punches some people, steals some viagra, nicks a car and shoots some guns. A bit like a grey haired Croydon.

Not as good as it should've been, although it does have a few corking lines of dialogue.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1389096/
5.5/10

Perkin.

10/02/13 The Snipist (2012)

Made for TV short film, written and directed by Garth Merenghi.

A spiritual brother to The Mad Death. Pretty flippin' good, if a little uncertain at the end.

It's only 30 mins long, have a watch if you're bored:

http://vimeo.com/45754017

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2173790/
7.8/10

Perkin.