If films were real, they'd be more flippin' reanimated nazi zombies than there are trees. Why are they always so fully formed? If someone's been in the ground for 70 years, they'd probably just be an arm and a jawbone when they come back to life. Or, like, a kneecap and a bollock.
Anyway, this film gives the impression that everyone involved tried their best, however that doesn't prevent it from being mediocre due to it's similarity to the other 587 nazi zombie films released this month.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3699684/
4/10
Saturday, 16 May 2015
11/05/15 Devil's Backbone, Texas (2015)
Proof that found footage horror films can still be effective and fun. Man goes off into the woods with some chums to visit what's left of the house his dad lived in. Things go a bit spooko-wonk.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt4328584/
7.25/10
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt4328584/
7.25/10
Monday, 11 May 2015
10/05/15 It Follows (2014)
The horror fans have
been wanking themselves flat then round again over this for a couple of months.
I can see why, it's got an effective Carpenter-esque vibe that's all about
'creepy' rather than bloody, and you feel the sense of paranoia and fear build
as the characters try and out run their fate.
However, for all the
claims of orginality being spunked over it, it's pretty derivative. Very
similar in plot to the wave of far-eastern ghost films that exploded in the
early 2000s. Although rather than a haunted VHS tape or mobile phone, it's
essentially about the damage a haunted penis can do.
The soundtrack and
wardrobe choices both needed a fucking good kick in the spuds for being so
intentionally '80s in style, something that film makers in their twenties keep
doing without realising what cunts it makes them.
Sorry, cloud-based
iCunts.
I know that may sound
hypocritical after praising its Carpenter vibe, but a vibe is exactly that, a
sensation or feeling you get as you watch a film, it's nothing to do with
having your cast dress like arseholes.
However, it is much,
much better than the tepid, jump-scare dogshit relentlessly pumped out under
the name of horror these days so if you can ignore the above wankery, it's well
worth a go.
*Turns out the
writer/director is 40. He should know better.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3235888/
6.75/10
Perkin.
09/05/15 Maggie (2015)
Thirty-one years
after The Terminator, Arnold Schwarzenegger tries acting again.
Actually, it's more a
case of the writer and director realising that he can probably do a half decent
impression of acting if they minimise his dialogue and restrict anything that
would require too much facial movement.
A zombie outbreak,
poor crops and financial bollockery have left America (and presumably much of
the world) in a bit of a pickle. Especially the zombie bit. Schwarzenegger's daughter moved/ran away to the big city a while ago and managed to get bitten
by a shuffler. Arnold collects her so they can be together for whatever time
she has left before the infection turns her into one of the undead.
Abigail Breslin does
a fantastic job as the daughter. One part in particular, a brief campfire
romance with another infected teen is (given the unlikely plot surrounding it)
very touching and believable. A moment of tenderness and intimacy that lightens
the burden of their shared fate.
Mirroring kids with real-world terminal illnesses, it's a scene that I
found quietly heartbreaking. And all that gay stuff.
Actually, the whole
film is melancholic and slow moving, none the worse for it either. There's only
one scene that had anything resembling the action you'd expect in a zombie
film, and that's very brief.
Recomended.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1881002/
8.9/10
Perkin.
09/05/15 Run All Night (2015)
I read a review of
this which said after a string of nonsense action films, Liam Neeson was back
making decent films for grown-ups with thoughty stuff and plotlines.
Nah, they're wrong.
It's bollocks.
4/10
Perkin.
08/05/15 Spooks: The Greater Good (2015)
Spies doing spy
stuff. I thought the TV show took a turn for the bollocks about half way
through its run, but this was a good effort.
Saw it with my brother who thought it was a 6/10, but he had been up most of the night after watching the terrible mistake that was the general election.
With that in mind, have a read of this:
http://randomramblingsthoughtsandfiction.blogspot.co.uk/2015/05/fighting-back-petitions-to-sign.html
I thought it was closer to a 7/10 myself.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3321300/
7/10
Perkin.
Taken from www.b3ta.com
Well done, Britain. Well fucking done.
07/05/15 The Slashening (2015)
Horror comedy/parody,
made for peanuts and poorly acted but the script is sharp enough for most of
the jokes to work.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3783422/
5/10
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