05/11/19 Corporate Animals (2019)

This torturously unfunny bollocks was written by Sam Bain, who's previously written Peep Show, Three Lions, Screen wipe and other decent, genuinely funny stuff. 

What the shit happened? 

I can only assume the funny stuff was diluted into the tepid, mass-appeal wank that's left by some heavy handed producer insisting that anything even resembling an edge was sanded down into some kind of televisual soft-play area.

Arse.

02/11/19 The Corrupted (2019)

Film about London geezerbloke criminals, dodgy land deals, ex-con attempts at rehabilitation etc.

It's not bad, but you'd be better off watching The Long Good Friday and seeing it done properly.

'Arold Shaaaaaand, Guv.

30/10/19 Girl On The Third Floor (2019)

Haunted house film. Seen better, seen worse. Meh.

27/10/19 Body Of Lies (2008)

Political action thriller with all the usual stuff you'd expect in a well made, yet not exactly ground-breaking, film of its type.

Leonardo DiCaprisun is the young fella doing the action stuff in Europe and the Middle-East, whereas Russell Kangarowe plays his Washington based handler.

Kangarowe apparently put on 50lbs for the role. Yeah, righ, "for the role". Bit Jimmy Hill if you ask me.
I reckon he just spent six months watching Neighbours, eating shrimp flavoured ice cream and necking continuous tins of Victoria Bitter before thinking "Fack me, cobber! I better see if I can still fit through the film studio doors."

Anyway, yeah, it's alright.

I once went in an Australian themed pub with a friend to try one of these. Must be an Aussie thing as I remember thinking "Yeah, it's beer. Like all the others. S'alright."

25/10/19 Extra Ordinary (2019)

Silly horror comedy which, for the most part, is silly in the positive sense.

7/10

19/10/19 Fractured (2019)

Man goes to hospital after getting a bump on the head. When he wakes up, he can't find his family.

Oh no!

Or, as the Scottish might say, och noo!

Even though it has a cast that's done well in previous efforts, they can't save this film from being a pile of bum-rubbish with an utterly bollocks, and very predictable, twist.

Or, as the Scottish might say, total bawbag, ye ken?

There ends my attempts at Anglo-Scots diplomacy. Hopefully it's enough to get me a Scottish passport when they inevitably vote to become independent in, my guess, about three year's time. Given the scumfuck parasites in Westminster, you really can't blame 'em.

4/10

17/10/19 Wind River (2017)

Strong sequel to family film 'Breezy Tributary'.

Not really, it's the ace film about rape, murder and eventual, somewhat shooty, justice.