21/12/13 Wait Until Dark (1967)

Blind woman is given a doll, there's about forty quids worth of drugs stitched inside, so some crims and bent plod decide it's worth going to inexplicable lengths to retrieve it.

Based on a play, obviously so with its single location and set-like appearance, it's considered a bit of a classic, for some reason. Even allowing for its age, the acting is very ropey, the plot pointlessly convoluted and I thought it was utterly bereft of the tension it's supposed to have.

It's set in a sort of bedsit style flat where the entire neighbourhood seem to walk in and out at will, it was like fucking Terry & June with all the "Only me!" type appearances. Also, the main bad guy is about as threatening  as a walnut.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0062467/
4/10

Badass gloversucker.

"Mine are mint flavoured, try one."

She is watching. She is always watching.

Synchronised smoking, popular event back then.

Perkin.

20/12/2013 Out of The Furnace (2013)

Christian Bale looks annoying then looks for his missing brother (who doesn't go missing until over an hour into the film). It's well made and looks good but isn't particularly engaging and could have been cut by 30 minutes.

5.5/10

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1206543/

Podd

20/12/13 Lost in the Bermuda Triangle (1998)

TV film about a woman who disappears off a boat during a storm, and her husband who starts looking for her on some magic island or some shit. Dunno, I was unable to commit my full attention to this masterpiece.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0183705/
2.5/10

Perkin.

19/12/13 Island of Death (1976)

History's worst actors pretend to be a pair of muderous, incestuous siblings with entirely different accents. They go on holiday to a small Greek island and murder most of the people who live there. Well, they unconvincingly shag them first.

Embarrassing terribleness but definitely the film for you if you've ever wanted to watch a 58yr old woman become aroused as she gets pissed on by a man with circular hair.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0188527/
1/10

*Man looks at Phil Collins*

*Phil Collins looks at woman*

*Woman observes curtain*

"Don't be scared, darling. It's only a door."

"But.. But it's blue! It's happening again!!!" *Sobs*

"I love lager, footy and a fight."

"Are you sure?"

"Actually, no."

"They must be up there. Keep searching. I can't start this without the keys"

"My only hope is that this isn't embarrassing in 37 years time"

"No chance!"

'Lovejoy: After Dark' surprised viewers with its blend of graphic murder, antiques and bumrape.

...And film.

Perkin.

19/12/13 Deadtime (2012)

Still as shit as when we saw it last year.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1560479/
2/10

That poster is a million percent better than the film.

Perkin.

19/12/13 Haunter (2013)

Cross between Groundhog Day and The Others. A teenage girl wakes up a lot in the '80s, then some lightweight spooky stuff happens.

Canadians, eh? So polite, even when they become ghosts they never swear or anything.


http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2345567/
5/10

Perkin.

16/12/2013 Coffin (2011)

A Lidl version of Buried but with two people in underground peril. The writer/director is called Kipp Tribble which is an awesome name. Sadly the film isn't quite as good and there's some dubious acting.  Watch Buried instead.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1667416/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_31

4/10

Podd