06/01/15 On Deadly Ground (1994)

Brilliant slapstick comedy.

The stuffed bear is the best actor on screen at this point.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0110725/

1,000,000,000/10

Perkin.

05/01/14 Eat The Peach (1986)

Two Irish chaps lose their jobs and decide to fill their time by building, then riding, a motorcycle Wall Of Death. This is apparently based on a true story, which, combined with cold Guinness, makes me think Ireland might be the best place in the world.

It's a gentle, warm film that ambles along and finishes where it should. Far from perfect, but very likable.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0090993/
8/10

Early Kanye West appearance Feat. Sean Hitler on drums.

"Is this your lorry, Sir?"

"No, officer. I'm a sheep."

As someone who briefly owned/rode a (much larger) trike, I'd like to say: fuck that!

Swiss Tony cameo!

"Building a wall of death, Paul, is much like making love to a beautiful woman. First you find some wasteground, then you grab your hammer... Wait. That's not right."

"What's that Pink Bear?"

"I said, you two get started and I'll join in after taking some photos."

The Irish drinking. Unusual, but it probably happens occasionally.

Perkin.

05/01/14 Poker Night (2014)

Nonsense but entertaining enough film about some copperplods who play poker. After the game one of 'em gets kidnapped by a man in a mask that makes it look like he's got a black sausage for a head.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2548208/
5.5/10

Perkin.

04/01/15 Canopy (2013)

A young Aussie WW2 soldier wakes up suspended from a tree in hostile territory after a poorly judged parachute bungle. He has to use his wits and small rations/tool kit to make it out of the jungle alive.

The film runs for less than 90 minutes and there's probably only five words spoken that whole time. There's no explosions, much 'action' and an ambiguous ending. However it's an excellent, tense, well acted, and involving war film. Without much actual war stuff.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2232578/
8.7/10

Perkin.

04/01/15 The Abductors (1972)

The plot of this film, people are kidnapping young girls to use them as sex slaves - then get rescued, is covered in about as much time as it took to read that. The rest of the film is people getting out their tits and cocks, then doing very unconvincing sex with each other. Seriously, bloody sin-pillows everywhere.

Don't get me wrong, I flippin' love boobs, they're probably evolution's finest achievement. Well, that and eyes to look at them. However, even I was almost getting bored of looking at fun-bags by the end of this toilet.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0068164/
2/10

Here are some screen caps taken from some of the few moments there aren't a set of wobble-tops flopping around:

A lot of waistband going on here.

Reg having some fun with his X box.

"I'll give you a sugar lump if you pop out yer horse-tits"

A lot of face going on in this one.

Sutcliffe-looking twat.

Once the engine is switched off, this plane will take off its bra and get out its plane-tits.

Perkin.

03/01/15 After The Fall (2014)

A loving family man from New Mexico suffers from a turn of events outside his control and so turns to crime to provide for his family.

Same outline as Breaking Bad, but this guy holds up petrol stations rather than creating those darn moreish amphetamines.

Pretty slow moving and thoughty rather than actiony exciting business. Good though for a small film that prob won't gt seen by many.


http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2815966/
7.2/10

Perkin.

03/01/15 Beneath (2013)

Assorted young people get on a boat, the boat is attacked by a massive rubber fish! *Gasp*

Actually a pretty good film within the teenagers Vs fish sub-genre. Frankenfish was a bit better. But I watched that about ten years ago.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2325518/
6.2/10

Perkin.