Wednesday, 23 October 2019
01/09/19 Erial (2016)
Spanish zombie nonsense about a smallholder (who's main crop appears to be, I dunno, dusty bits of fence and shit?) who wakes up and blah, blah, blah zombies/strange science and all that.
Apparently filmed in five days without a script.
Which, I'm gonna guess, included one of those famous Spanish four day lunch-breaks.
That's not to say it's completely charmless though, and the central character can act.
Apparently filmed in five days without a script.
Which, I'm gonna guess, included one of those famous Spanish four day lunch-breaks.
That's not to say it's completely charmless though, and the central character can act.
30/08/19 Dark Phoenix (2019)
What should've just been 90 minutes of the Hank McCoy/Beast character being all polite and brainy/acrobatically ripping the faces off goons, was instead a dreary 1hr50m of mostly boring twaddle which offer an even more tepid version of a previous X-film's plot.
Supposedly the last of the X Men films, yet I see there's one called X-Force currently in production, so, like Brexit, British Winters, my sense of workplace misery and any journey on public transport, this series appears never to end.
Even though it should have a long time ago.
Meh.
Supposedly the last of the X Men films, yet I see there's one called X-Force currently in production, so, like Brexit, British Winters, my sense of workplace misery and any journey on public transport, this series appears never to end.
Even though it should have a long time ago.
Meh.
30/08/19 The Witch In The Window (2018)
Haunted house film that's a little more original than most and better than many.
26/08/19 The Night Sitter (2018)
Cheapy horror effort that does its best with the limitations it has.
26/08/19 3-Headed Shark Attack (2015)
A direct sequel to the film below, touching on many of the same issues.
I didn't watch this, Podd did.
I didn't watch this, Podd did.
25/08/19 Gwen (2018)
Film about a 19th century widowed Welsh farmer and her daughters who are barely managing to exist, let alone prosper, on their small piece of land in an isolated part of the country.
The film is almost amusingly bleak, not a single good thing happens to anyone at any point during the film. The location of the farm seems to be in an area suffering from an almost supernaturally oppressive permawinter where everything dies and everything's shit.
The last person to smile was probably stoned to death for not enduring the biblical misery with the required solemnity.
After watching it, you feel like you could join in.
It is beautifully shot and very well acted though, and the perfect film if you think happiness is an overrated state and should be avoided at all costs.
The film is almost amusingly bleak, not a single good thing happens to anyone at any point during the film. The location of the farm seems to be in an area suffering from an almost supernaturally oppressive permawinter where everything dies and everything's shit.
The last person to smile was probably stoned to death for not enduring the biblical misery with the required solemnity.
After watching it, you feel like you could join in.
It is beautifully shot and very well acted though, and the perfect film if you think happiness is an overrated state and should be avoided at all costs.
This is the happiest anyone looks at any point in this film. She's positively giddy.
"Not much planned for today. I'll probably just sit on this rock until I die."
"Fuck it. Went clubbing instead. This place is proper banging!"
24/08/19 Burn (2019)
A chap tries to rob a petrol station, staffed by two teenage girls, and things don't go to plan.
One of the girls, a quiet, odd young lady, is initially something of an ally to the robber, thinking his life of crime is one of adventure as opposed to her dull routine of menial work and loneliness. However, things don't pan out as expected and it all goes a bit sideways.
Pretty good.
One of the girls, a quiet, odd young lady, is initially something of an ally to the robber, thinking his life of crime is one of adventure as opposed to her dull routine of menial work and loneliness. However, things don't pan out as expected and it all goes a bit sideways.
Pretty good.
Thursday, 10 October 2019
23/08/19 Peacock (2010)
A unique film about, er, to say too much would kinda spoil it.
There's a train crash, a chap with an identity crisis, a bit of murder and, well, it's an odd flick but certainly one worth seeing.
Pretty obscure, which is surprising as it has decent actors in quirky roles and the sort of thing that critics normally spunk all over. Oh well.
8/10
There's a train crash, a chap with an identity crisis, a bit of murder and, well, it's an odd flick but certainly one worth seeing.
Pretty obscure, which is surprising as it has decent actors in quirky roles and the sort of thing that critics normally spunk all over. Oh well.
8/10
20/08/19 The Loft (2014)
Childbirth? Marathon running? Stylites the Elder sitting on a post for 37 years? Pah! None of these feats compare to the endurance we displayed when watching this film all the way to the end.
*Puts on my polite voice*
It was not very good.
*Puts on my polite voice*
It was not very good.
19/08/19 Office Uprising (2018)
Another (yeah, there's actually been a fair few now) comedy about an office building falling victim to a zombie/infected rager outbreak.
This time it's caused by a weaponised energy drink that the company is producing.
This was fun enough in a bland way and almost instantly forgettable.
This time it's caused by a weaponised energy drink that the company is producing.
This was fun enough in a bland way and almost instantly forgettable.
17/08/19 From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)
Must be a year or two since we last watched this.
Even though the film is fantastic fun on its own merits, it's a little extra special for us as it's the first film Podd and I went to see in the cinema together.
That's enough personal shit, the internet already has enough idiots putting their entire lives online.
Even though the film is fantastic fun on its own merits, it's a little extra special for us as it's the first film Podd and I went to see in the cinema together.
That's enough personal shit, the internet already has enough idiots putting their entire lives online.
"So afterwards, you'll tear me apart and feast on my blood?"
"Yes."
"Can't lie, still interested."
"A few creeping doubts now. Let's see how it pans out."
"So that's one moccachino regular, a mint tea and a grande latte?"
"Ooh! And a Biscotti muffin, please"
"Certainly, I'll bring them over when they're ready."
Michael Parks, what a great actor he was.
I would legitimately go for a pint here.
Not actually THAT different to what The Cartoon in Croydon was like back in the day.
John Hawkes, also a cracking actor. Not sure how he still managed to look 15 when he was nudging 40 though.
A guy who lives near us also has a 1968 Mercury Cougar. Bit of a rare car to spot over here.
17/08/19 Still (2016)
Short film about a living statue street performer who must make use of his skills when a zombie outbreak occurs.
It's probably on Youtube, only ten minutes long, silly and fun.
It's probably on Youtube, only ten minutes long, silly and fun.
17/08/19 41 (2012)
Australian film about a chap who suffers from a case of dead girlfriend, but then hears about a hole in the floor of a room in a nearby hotel which will send him back in time far enough to save her.
Some amateurish acting aside, it's a cracking little film.
14/08/19 The Chicken Party (2018)
Two Japanese sisters on holiday in Los Angeles get invited to a party.
The hosts are a bit iffy.
You can work out the rest.
Fun enough, the decent acting made up for the derivative everything else.
The hosts are a bit iffy.
You can work out the rest.
Fun enough, the decent acting made up for the derivative everything else.
11/08/19 Forgive Us Our Debts (2018)
An Italian chap up to his dick in debt decides to work off what he owes by joining a debt collection agency and collecting money from other unfortunates.
Predictably this results in him questioning the morality of such a job, the corruption of the industry and all that shit.
All fucking slaves to money aren't we.
Predictably this results in him questioning the morality of such a job, the corruption of the industry and all that shit.
All fucking slaves to money aren't we.
10/08/16 Body At Brighton Rock (2019)
A rookie park ranger finds the body of a dead fellow and sits around waiting for assistance to come whilst trying to avoid bears and dodgy hikers.
Not bad, well made TV film sorta thing.
Not that one.
No.
That's the one.
Wednesday, 9 October 2019
05/08/19 Finding Steve McQueen (2019)
Heist film that taught me the (somewhat obvious, I'd just never thought about it before) difference between a bank robbery and bank burglary.
Very enjoyable film, but I'd like to see a documentary about the actual crime/series of crimes it was inspired by.
6.85/10
Very enjoyable film, but I'd like to see a documentary about the actual crime/series of crimes it was inspired by.
6.85/10
04/08/19 Excursion (2019)
Low budget, creative, time travel film where a man argues with himself.
Decent.
7/10
Decent.
7/10
04/08/19 Antisocial (2013)
The world goes to bollocks due to some murderous hate-virus spread on social media.
Now you mention it...
Now you mention it...
"What a splendid idea" said the nonce-faced paedocunt.
04/08/19 Cold In July (2014)
Excellent modern noir. Seen it before, but certainly worth a second go.
Made by Jim Mickle and Nick Damici, we're big fans of their stuff. Although Hap & Leonard never equalled the first series.
Anyway, yeah, very good.
8.24/10
Made by Jim Mickle and Nick Damici, we're big fans of their stuff. Although Hap & Leonard never equalled the first series.
Anyway, yeah, very good.
8.24/10
03/08/19 A Score To settle (2019)
Wigolas Cage film about a chap who gets out of prison and decides to have vigorous conversations with the fellows who were responsible for him being in there.
I called the twist about 15 minutes into this film and was disappointed to be proved right. Not that most films are predictable nonsense or anything.
Anyway, it's about as good as you imagine.
I called the twist about 15 minutes into this film and was disappointed to be proved right. Not that most films are predictable nonsense or anything.
Anyway, it's about as good as you imagine.
03/08/19 Revenger (2018)
A film about a chap who travels to a prison island to get revenge for something or other.
The acting is frequently terribly terrible, but the fight scenes are very well done. If you like shit films with good fights, this tickle yer pickle.
The acting is frequently terribly terrible, but the fight scenes are very well done. If you like shit films with good fights, this tickle yer pickle.
03/08/19 Supervized (2019)
Abysmal attempt at a comedy about elderly superheroes now living in a retirement home.
31/07/19 From The Dark (2014)
An farmer over in Ireland accidentally digs up a vampire from the dirt on his land. Count Muckula? Shenanigans ensue.
When we last saw this, four years ago, I made almost the same joke. How little I progress as an adult.
When we last saw this, four years ago, I made almost the same joke. How little I progress as an adult.
31/07/19 The Red Sea Diving Resort (2019)
Lots of folk online saying that this film is just a thinly-coated propaganda piece for Israel/Mossad etc.
Although there may be some merit in that, I'll leave that aside as it is based on a true story and it's one worth telling.
Not too bad.
Although there may be some merit in that, I'll leave that aside as it is based on a true story and it's one worth telling.
Not too bad.
30/07/19 Head Count (2018)
Film about some young folk partying in a rented property out in the desert. All's going well until a few of them start acting a little odd.
I'm not sure the ending is the best fit, but the majority of the film was much better than the usual crap about twenty-somethings getting wasted out in the sticks.
Some decent creepy moments and one inventive scene pleased us greatly.
7/10
I'm not sure the ending is the best fit, but the majority of the film was much better than the usual crap about twenty-somethings getting wasted out in the sticks.
Some decent creepy moments and one inventive scene pleased us greatly.
7/10
Sunday, 6 October 2019
29/07/19 Cold Blood (2019)
Bit of a theme day. A film about a woman who falls over on a mountain and a reclusive fella who helps her. But was it really all accidental, eh?
Don't push yerself to find out.
Don't push yerself to find out.
29/07/19 Arctic (2018)
Podd watched this, I didn't.
Think it's about a lady who falls off a mountain or something and some reclusive fella who helps her.
Think it's about a lady who falls off a mountain or something and some reclusive fella who helps her.
26/07/19 On Dangerous Ground (1951)
A city plod who's happy to get fisty (in the fighting sense) gets in a bit of trouble so he gets sent out into the sticks to solve a murder.
Bleak and probably quite forceful for its time, it does however share that same orchestral music score that every film made in the '40s and '50s had. Context is irrelevant, the scene could be a tender first kiss, a perilous mountain roads car chase, an orphanage exploding or an early DVDA shot, but the same bloody wall of violins would be screeching away in the background.
Anyway, yeah, it's good.
Bleak and probably quite forceful for its time, it does however share that same orchestral music score that every film made in the '40s and '50s had. Context is irrelevant, the scene could be a tender first kiss, a perilous mountain roads car chase, an orphanage exploding or an early DVDA shot, but the same bloody wall of violins would be screeching away in the background.
Anyway, yeah, it's good.
"Happy twelfth birthday Ken. Here's you card. Now prepare for a life of drudgery and hats."
"Go on, Miriram. I've got a bit of a Dutch Albert here."
"No, Gary. I've already removed my first fifteen layers of clothes."
"The internet... it will ruin everything, won't it?"
"More than you'll ever know."
*Turns away and bites fist in anguish*
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