24/11/14 Come Out And Play (2012)

A pair of young expectant parents are on holiday and decide to rent a boat to visit an idyllic fishing island a couple of miles of shore. When they get there, things are suspiciously quiet, the only people they see are children darting between buildings and peeking at them from the shadows.
Turns out the youth are all suffering from some form of collective possession (or something) and have become murderous little death-gremlins. Basically the children of Croydon.

This is a remake, I've never seen the original. People online seem to hate this. Me, I thought it was pretty good. And the internet's full of wankers. He says, typing this.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2341664/
7/10

Perkin.

27/07/12 Maximum Overdrive (1986)

I loved this film when I was about 13. Got into AC/DC because of it. The band, not being bisexual or electrical currents. The soundtrack's still flippin' ace. Film itself? Not held up so well. Nice idea, technology becoming globally self-aware overnight and turning on the humans. Steven King's only attempt at directing.

Stick to the books, Steve.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091499/
4/10

"Oh, lord, no! Won't somebody think of the melons! Why!? WHY!?"

"Shush woman! I'm a melonphile, this is heaven! Sexy melon jackpot!"

"Hot exposed melons?"

*Wanks furiously*

"Are you Jeremy Clarkson?"

"Yes."

"Why are you wearing that bright green Tshirt?"

"It's a tribute to the fallen melons."

"You cunty gobshite."

"Which one of you melon-fucker perverts ordered a crate full of Dutch children?"

Perkin.