27/06/15 It's Alive (1974)

Woman gives birth to evil baby. All the usual nonsense.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0071675/
5.5/10

"Gentlemen, tonight we escape!"

Did people actually understand colours back then?

"I always knew this day would come. Just one more sip of iced piss before we leave."

"Yes, Mr Putin."

"I had everything invested in Play-Doh before the crash in '08. Lost it all, the cot, the toys, even the new pram."

"Doctor? Nah, just love looking at fannies."

"He hasn't called you, has he, Miriam?"

"Be quiet, Desk Owl. He will, I know it."

"I've left you my thumbs and moustache in the will. Everything else can go to charity."

"Thank you, Admiral."

Perkin.

01/05/14 Three Extremes (2004)

Three short films from far eastern directors. Two are shit, the one about eating dumplings made from baby is quite good.

It was edited by the Bum twins.

Told you!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0420251/

4/10

Perkin.

02/03/12 American Cyborg: Steel Warrior (1993)

You seen Children Of Men? If not, you should, it's brilliant. The plot to this is similar, but with a cyborg, mutants and added terribleness.

A woman with a baby in a tube wanders through an endless number of abandoned warehouses and tunnels with some guy who looks like a crap male stripper. Occasionally a really shit wannabe Terminater pops up unexpectedly and growls at them. Like a rubbish Cato from the Pink Panther films.

                                          "I love you, tube baby"

                                          "This pistol has suprised and confused me!"

                                    "And I was all, like, "Yeeeeah, bitches". Fools be trippin', yo."

                                          This film does find time for a romantic sub-plot.

                                         Jean-Paul Gaultier: My new scent 'Leather'

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0109098/

2.4/10

                                                                  Perkin.