06/03/15 Devil Girl From Mars (1954)

A posh-voiced dominatrix crashes her UFO in 1950s Scotland and demands that some men come back to Mars with her as all the Martian men have been killed.

By the women in the battle of the sexes.

A tiny bit like The Day The Earth Stood Still but with gender politics taking center stage rather than ecological ones and her version of Gort is really, really shit with flower pots for arms.

It's actually kinda brilliant/rubbish.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0046907/
Flowerpots/10

"What are you having for breakfast?"

"Thirty cigarettes. You?"

"Gin."

"Do you think people will still be having such stuff for a meal in sixty-one years?"

"In Scotland, yes."

Anne Summers party in the '50s: much more formal. Approximately the same amount of rubber and probes though.

Conduit & Mupp are delighted to be offering this one bedroom starter craft. It benefits from exterior lighting, access ramp and parking for up to nine escape pods. 

In the 1950s, this was pretty much an iPhone.

With flower pots for arms.

Perkin.

iPhones are for cunts.

12/10/12 Cobra (1986)

Children of the Internet, be glad!

You've grown up in a time of instant access, mass gratification, information overload.

When me and my people were trying to work out what kind of humans we were, we had to learn the hard way. None of this status update, iPhone, Google maps, telephone vote, 500 TV channel, online shopping, blu-ray, pre-sanitised shit for us. You pissy little fucks. Nope, we had miserable weather, tory governments*, the cold war and fucking terrible shit like this film as our relief from the crushing banality of everyday life.

I'm almost surprised it took me 26 years to finally watch this fucking shit and confirm my suspicions that it was a load of pig-awful bum-rape. Stallone, eh? What a wonky-mouthed cunt. How can you go from showing such initial promise (Rocky 1) to so rapidly becoming such a fucking arsehole.

I dunno, what I'm basically saying with this is that I'm jealous of young people and that this film's awful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIjccsx7cD4&feature=plcp
1/10

Shitness is a disease, meet the cause.

Perkin.

*Yeah, got another one. Any bastard that voted for 'em can put their name on my cunt list. Wankers.