15/08/14 The Apparition (2012)

History's most cinematically bland couple get haunted by some kind of demonic potato that's stuck to the ceiling and occasionally swallows women.


http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1433822/
5/10

Perkin.

20/05/13 Inseminoid (1981)

Fucking hell! I had to check this wasn't Italian, it's that goodbad!

Seriously, it's a hilarious Alien rip-off, possibly budgeted using gravel rather than actual money. Filmed in Chislehurst, Kent, and scripted using some form of potato prints.

If films were sexual experiences, the original Alien would be a classy, fragrant union in a five star hotel. This film would be a drunken, blurry wank behind a disused skip.

Both great fun, but very different experiences. To stretch the comparison.

Well worth watching.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0084090/
10/10

"Press the alarm button and I kill Michael Stipe!"

You dirty space-tart!

...

"You'll only feel a small prick."

"He's not wrong there!"

"Shut-up, Miriam!"

"Hello, I'd like to order a space pizza"

"Got the wrong number, you space-twat."

Sadly this scene didn't go where I was hoping.

Mutant laser space-baby!

Perkin.

15/03/13 The Hot Potato (2011)

Sort of crime film set in 1969 involving some fairly clueless folk trying to sell some uranium to some shady types.

Ray Winstone (surprisingly not the potato of the title) plays Mickey Lockup, a cockney fellow whose young mate, Eddy Pieandmash somehow manages to find a box containing the carelessly misplaced nuclear material. Through a convoluted turn of events, they find themselves, along with Winstone's unexpectedly good looking real life daughter and a German cliché (prob called Hans Hitlerwurst), bouncing all over Europe trying to flog the uranium to an increasingly daft series of characters.

The second half of the film, with lots of double crosses and people not being who they claim, gets a bit too knotted in its own story and left us a little bored by the end. Having said that, the acting's good, some of the lines are funny and the period detail is impressive. Apple'n pears, daahn the market, Chas and Dave etc.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1641252/
5/10

Not a potato.

Perkin.