21/07/15 Nosferatu (1922)

This film's been out 93 years. If you need another review before choosing whether to watch it, you're the most indecisive human who has ever lived.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0013442/

7/10

Between them they had a full beard. And brilliant expressions.

Wouldn't it be great if he was randomly a Geordie?

"Alreet, Pet. Aah'm, just gonna bite yer neck. Divvent worry."

Big purple co... You get the idea.

Being a German boat, the captain was probably some arsehole in a suit who sailed it right up the arse of the boat in front. Like a wanker.

"Tobey! How are yer?"

"Not bad, Des. You?"

"Got a bollocking off the guv the other day."

"Why?"

"Too much horseplay. Boom! Boom!"

"You twat."

"C'mon, I'm only horsing around."

Modern horror films could learn a lot from the ones of a century ago.

This guy co-wrote 'It Was A Good Day' with Ice Cube. 

Perkin.

05/05/14 Blacula (1972)

Thought I hadn't seen this, but I have. It's pretty weak, although William Marshall who plays Blacula, almost gives the role dignity, in the scenes without the plastic fangs, he's excellent. Otherwise it's dated badly, has lots of wobbly acting and tries to throw in a difficult comparison between the centuries of colonial/slavery practices in Africa and vampirism.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0068284/
4/10

Purple... Robe... Hood... A stiff... Sure there's a penis joke in there somewhere.

"Fucking ouch! Just sat on me vampire bollock."

By the logic of this film, I'm guessing this guy is Count Greenula.

"Whaddya mean I can't play the title role!?"

Perkin.

24/05/12 Incubus (1982)

Silly old tits about some people getting killed thirty years ago. Some great moustaches on show.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0084133/

Purple/10

"Yo! Where dem biatches at? Let's get this party started!"

                                   "Mr Steven Hawkins? You're nicked, you slaaaag!"

"Going... down?" *Wink*

Eyebrows.

"Is he still there?"

"Yes officer, fucking weirdo"

"Good 'tache though"

"Aye."

Perkin.