09/06/12 The Hit (1984)

Terrence Stamp plays a former gangster who gives evidence against his criminal buddies then fucks off to retire in Spain.

Ten years later some thin men in denim jackets bundle him into a car and drop him off where he gets put in another motor and driven around Spain by John Hurt and a 9yr old Tim Roth. They stop to shoot a tubby Australian fella, kidnap his sheila and drive around a bit more. The idea being that Roth and Hurt have been sent to pop Stamp's clogs in return for his court room betrayl.

The film has an odd, flat feel to it, but Stamp's performance; his karmic acceptance of approaching assaination, is great.

Until the end of the film when it all goes a bit 'eh?'

5/10

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087414/

Lumpy, Grumpy and Sideways were the biggest boy band of 1984

Trousers. Handbag. Blouse. Mince.

"'Ello, welcome to Troll's Bar. I'm Phillip Troll"

Deleted scene where John Hurt shits out Tim Roth.

Starring Terence Doubleface.

Perkin.

06/06/2012 Parasomnia (2008)

Above average (for the Horror channel's "standards") thrillery thing about a woman with a rare sleeping disorder who is rescued (or, in fact, abducted) from her hospital bed by a visitor to escape a patient who is influencing her dreams. Sounds pants as I describe it but it's not bad.  I did lose interest due to Horror channel's bastard money whoreing advert breaks every 10 minutes, and the ending took a turn for the bumular.

Notable and random cameos from Sean Young, John Landis and porn legend Veronica Hart (boringly fully clothed).

5/10

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0922547/

Podd

06/06/2012 Supernova (2000)

Event Horizon-alike sci-fi thriller set on a rescue medical ship (kind of a quantum leaping ambulance).  It's bloody obvious from a light year away that the guy whose SOS they respond to is inherently evil but it's entertaining nonetheless.  Surprise of the film is barely recognisable James Spader's fleeting moment of buff-bod hotness; think those lucky two weeks in the late 1960's when Jim Morrison wasn't a fat hobo or before David Gilmour looked like a middle aged accountant.  There is a thread on this film's imdb page of many ladies lamenting where did it all go wrong.  There's also a thread complaining it's a softcore film but that's idiot yanks for you just because you briefly see a boob and an arse. 

5.5/10

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0134983/

                                             

Podd

PS One of the only film posters where the tagline is more prominent than the film's title?

03/06/12 Robot Holocaust (1986)

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03/06/12 Necronomicon (1993)

Anthology film that has a wraparound story about H.P. Lovecraft going to the library.

It's shite.

2/10

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0107664/

Perkin.

02/06/12 The Mad Death (1983)

We could remember this from when it was on TV nearly thirty years ago. Which makes us feel a bit old. A chum of ours managed to get hold of a copy and he sent it over to us after enjoying it.

Sadly, for some reason, my usual media player isn't letting me take screen caps of it. Bit of a pisser as there was some right gems to be used.

It's a three part mini-series (with a total running time of 2hr15m, and we watched it in one go, so I'm including it) about an outbreak of rabies in the Scottish Highlands. The Highlands in 1983 were populated entirely with posh-voiced English people and two Americans. Bit odd. 

Also, 'Rabies' is latin in origin, meaning 'Madness', hence the title. It does mean that if Liam Gallagher had been born two thousand years earlier, he would've been "Rabies for it".

The acting is ropey, the pacing a little slack, the wagging tails on the attacking dogs are unintentionally amusing and the puppet used for rabid fox scene is nigh-on Basil Brush in appearance...

However! The above flaws are easily forgiven in context of its age, use of locations, some genuine moments of tension and a dark, pessimistic vibe that is now completely absent from BBC dramas. And the opening credits, that show wobbly dog faces, are still very effectively eerie.

As far as I know it's never been repeated and was only briefly released on VHS, so copies of it are now as rare as tits on a fish, but if you do get a chance to watch it, it's well worth it.

7/10

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0241114/

"Bitch, I is gonna fuck you up!"

Perkin.

01/06/12 Piggy (2012)

A little fella's brother gets biffed to death so he starts hanging out with Dennis Pennis and they decide to get the people responsible and cut them with things.

It's an OK film, with people who can actually act and whatnot, but is very forgettable, leaves a few questions unanswered and has a slight vibe of Hollyoaks about it.

5/10

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1951218/

"I am impressed by these dolphins jumping from my knee."

"Fuck that! I've just shot a turtle out me nipple!"

*Parp!*

Perkin.