14/07/10 Jurassic World (2015)

There's a scene in this film where, seriously, a dinosaur runs in slow motion to save some humans, then after performing an act of lizardy heroism, he turns to the people and nods at them.

Podd enjoyed it. I found it to be typical Spielbergian wank. Also, after twenty years of advancements in CGI, the dinosaurs now look less realistic. Give me the Harryhausen plasticine stuff any time. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0369610/

Lizard nod/10

Perkin.

12/07/15 I-Lived (2015)

Fun low budget film about an slim fellow who -just about- makes a living reviewing phone apps. He finds one called I-Live which is a motivational tool that advises you on how to achieve your life goals.

Sure enough, the app is eeeeeeeeeevil, and ends up becoming a dominating force in every users life making them perform increasingly horrific acts to become the person they aspire to be.

Pretty much the sort of thing that Charlie Brooker would write as an episode of Black Mirror but with less sixth form satire and nicer weather as it's set in west America rather than Stroud, Bumthorpe, Misery-On-Sea or some other place in Britain.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2949196/

6.5/10

Perkin.

12/07/15 Final Girl (2015)

Some young girl who's parents have died is, inexplicably, raised by a complete stranger who moulds her into a fighting machine so that she can eventually kill the people who murdered his wife.

He claims he's unable to take revenge himself, due to, like, reasons and stuff, so instead decides to take an already emotionally fragile (presumably) child and shape her into someone who will kill without regret.

I imagine the to do list went something like:

Find child.

Buy weapons and shit.

Have child kill people.

Find inner peace knowing that all of the above is completely fine.

The film's well acted, well shot and all that stuff, but it suffers from various faults including plot holes big enough to pass a murderous child through.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2124787/

4/10

Perkin.

10/07/15 Infini (2015)

This has been compared to Event Horizon as it's about things all going a bit bollock shaped on a spaceship due to an unseen eeeeeevil presence and whatnot.

I prefer Event Horizon though.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3327624/

6.45/10

Perkin.

09/07/15 Ted 2 (2015)

Swearing toy. First one was funnier.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2637276/
5.8/10

Perkin.

08/07/15 I Am Bruce Lee (2012)

Documentary about Bruce Lee. Even if your not a fan, it's a pretty good watch. A bit too dependent on the talking heads format, but most involved were directly connected to the man.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1954299/
7/10

Perkin.

07/07/15 Zombie Massacre 2: Reich Of The Dead (2015)

Oh for fuck's sake, MORE fucking zombie nazis?

Decent production values only go so far when it comes to covering the sins of a film. This one suffers from being tediously derivative and, even less forgivable, really fucking boring.

Aside from the Dead Snow films, which buck the trend by being ace, the whole zombie nazi thing was pretty tired thirty years ago, to still be using it now is just piss.

Alright, it's my choice to sit through this shit, but I've been watching horror films longer than most of the fuckers making them now have been alive and I carry on doing so for those rare times you find a gem. To make a zombie film worth watching it has to be novel, fun, scary or, preferably, all three. This was none of those.

I'm currently at a train station. In Britain our trains have a habit of breaking down.

Someone gets on a train, let's call them Geoff. A passenger falls ill a few minutes into Geoff's journey. The train breaks down on a rural line. The ill passenger is infected, starts biting other passengers who also rapidly turn and the remaining 70 minutes of the film is claustrophobic, panicky carnage as the infection spreads along the train, people using whatever is available to them to barricade and fight against the rail zombies.

There you go, I've just tapped out that shit in two minutes after using my location for zombie-film inspiration. It's not great, but it'd be a zombie film that wouldn't involve fucking nazis.

BTW, the twist at the end would be Geoff and the remaining survivors manage to get the train moving. They rocket down the line, eventually applying the brakes when reaching a station.  The train has arrived at East Croydon. Geoff gets back on the train as he'd rather face the zombies.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt4117510/

Croydon/10

Perkin.