31/10/12 Rites Of Spring (2012)

Boinggg!!!

Spring.

LOL etc.

Anyway, horror film (Halloween, innit) that starts off with two separate threads, one about a kidnap/ransom and one about some women tied up in a barn. The two converge and stuffly stuffs happens all over the place.

There's also an old guy with a knife and some lumpy fella who lives in his basement. A pretty good effort for a low budget film but nothing outstanding or greatly original.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1227789/
6/10

Perkin.

28/10/12 Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)

Last saw this about 25 years ago when Halloween fell on a Saturday and one of the four available British TV channels decided to put on the least popular film of the Halloween franchise.

Four TV channels, eh? Those were the days.

Also, back then, there wasn't a sell-through film market, if you  wanted to own your favourite flick on VHS, you had to buy a full price rental cassette, they were £70 a pop! That's (roughly) the equivalent of £300 in modern money. A mate of mine bought Four Weddings And A Funeral for a girl he really liked for £75, 18 years ago. She dumped him. He probably could've bought a house or something for that sorta money. Or an entire town up north. Also, any woman who's into fucking rubbish like that... Meh. An admirably grand gesture considering our incomes back then though.

These days people just instantly stream films onto their iTube Facebox and pay pennies for it. No fucking effort required for proper film fans any more.

I've got a subscription to the excellent Canadian horror film magazine, Rue Morgue. Highly recommended for anyone into that sort of stuff. In the last edition, they had an interview with the director of Halloween 3, praising it up as some kinda, obscure, forgotten, counter-culture gem of the genre, so when I saw it was on TV last night, I thought 'Result! Haven't seen it for many years, must be worth a go. Can't be the terrible old shit I seem to remember about a bunch of evil rubber masks and some old tit who wants to kill the world using the power of a Stonehenge brick. Or can it?'

Yes.

It also has some right ol' hairdos and no Michael Myers. Don't get me wrong, with the exception of the first film, I'm not much of a Halloween fan, and even the first is enjoyable rather than brilliant but having a film called Halloween 3, and not involving anything to do with 1 or 2 is definitely dropping a bit of a bollock.

Myers is shit though. Frustrated fuckin' mask wearing odd 'un. Just needs a Pot Noodle and a wank, none of this stabby shit. Twat.

Anyway, he's not in this one, he had a year off*, this one's just the above mentioned masks and shit. It's total penis.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085636/
3/10

Perkin.

*: http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/michael-myers-having-a-quiet-one-this-halloween-201110284480

28/10/12 The Angels' Share (2012)

Excellent film about some people in Scotland who still have teeth and some expensive whisky.

Highly recommended!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1924394/
9/10

Perkin.

27/10/12 The Blob (1988)

I was gonna say what a tits name for a film this is. It's so basic and obvious. But, then I tried to think of a less dumb sounding name:

Gelatinous Terror.

Wobble-Death.

Doom Jelly.

Non-Newtonian Space-Bastard.

Danny Glover.

But then I thought, who cares, the film's some silly old twaddle about a small town being absorbed by a big blob. And it's a remake of a film called The Blob.

Shit but fun.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1723124/
5.5/10

Perkin.

27/10/12 Inbred (2011)

A film about four cheeky teens enjoying a fun, typical Yorkshire weekend.

Better than expected, especially as it's from the writer/director of the shit-awful Cradle of Fear. Imagine Deliverance crossed with The League Of Gentlemen with some very impressive and hugely splatty gore effects. Coulda definitely done with having thirty minutes trimmed off it but worth a go if you're in the mood for some horror silliness.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1723124/
6.5/10

This week on Fruitbowl Conversations, apple.

Cheryl Cole.

Winner of Yorkshire's Mr Politically Correct 2012

Slipknot are just getting lazy these days.

Perkin.

26/10/2012 Killer Joe (2011)

Professional Texan Matthew McConaughey plays a dirty cop who does some hitman work on the side, as well as shagging young girls (well, it is Texas) and enjoying his KFC a little too much.  He is hired by desperate-idiot-in-debt Emile Hirch to bump off his mother in order to claim the life insurance. Well we all know that particular venture never pans out well.

There's a better film in here somewhere but unfortunately it is held back by unsympathetic characters you just don't care about.  The violence feels like it is deliberately trying to shock and McConaughey is still one of the world's dullest men.  IMDB recommend Very Bad Things if you liked this, Film Plop recommend Very Bad Things instead of this.

6/10

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1726669/ 

Podd

24/10/2012 The Day (2011)

Not the worst take on the "life after The Event" theme and it has a fair attempt to bring a slightly new angle to the genre, however enjoyment is spoilt by the distracting varying audio levels and the section which is so poorly lit it's almost impossible to make out what's happening.  There is some quite disturbing violence however, which is always pleasing.  Final piece of music is a rip off of the 28 Days Later music, the cheeky scamps.

6.0/10

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1756799/

Podd