07/04/15 Frenzy (1972)

Pretty sure it's illegal to say anything negative about any Hitchcock films. Admittedly, I haven't seen many, pretty much just this and Psycho. Psycho was excellent, this was fuckin' bumwash. Shut up.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0068611/
3/10

London. Before it became the arsehole's themepark it is today.

"What's that word, Miriam?"

"Barnacle"

1970's man, modelling the standard combination of shirt, tie, brown things and alcoholism.

"Must you watch me eat, Barnsworth?"

"Yes. Late at night, I also watch you sleep. Sometimes I stroke your hair."

"Cauliflower!!!"

Did all British men look like this in the '70s, or was this guy in every film made back then?

Perkin.

29/08/13 Hard Ride To Hell (2010)

Terrible bumwash about some evil biker gang doing some shit or other to some bunch of people in their 30s who are possibly meant to be teenagers. Very bad.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1654833/
2/10


I wonder what other crap film released the year before the title and poster were ripping off?

Perkin.

23/07/13 Only God Forgives (2013)

Lots of arseholes are wanking their chins over the over the incestuous sub-text, character development and supposedly 'dream like' visuals in this film. The translation is that everyone seems to walk around very fucking slowly, as if they're holding in an angry mud-biscuit. Kristen Scott Thomas briefly talks about one of hers sons having a big cock and Ryan fucking Gosling does his now very familiar acting 'thing' of not talking much, using a singular facial expression to convey every emotion/physical sensation and 'looking over there a

bit'. I've seen vegetation with greater range.

Frequently during this tedious, pretentious, shit-biscuit of a film, we get a POV shot from Gosling's character as he looks down at his hands and forearms. I frequently do this as well:

Total fucking bumwash.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1602613/
1/10

Perkin.

28/05/12 The Wicker Man (2006)

Yeah, everyone knows it's shite, and it is. But, unlike every other bastard in the world, we here at 'Plop Towers consider the original to be a massive fucking pile of room temprature wank.

Seriously, get off your fucking idiot-horse and watch it again with your eyes and brain. It's fucking terrible. Piss-poor shite about a grumpy virgin plod who fucks off to an island full of nutjobs and gets sentenced to death in a giant laundry basket by a dress wearing arsehole? Fucking rubbish! And Britt Ekland's great nude scene was a stunt arse, so even that was fake.

With that in mind, obviously a slick, high budget yank remake with Nicolas Cage -who peaked 19yrs ago in Red Rock West*, and now appears to be the main performer in a terrible Nicolas Cage tribute act- is gonna be fucking bumwash.

So shut up.

1/10 (Also applies to the original)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0450345/

*Alright, maybe Con Air. Even 8MM was good. How many other mainstream, studio films can you think of that involved snuff porn and murderous gimps? Point is, aside from a brief blip with Lord Of War, Cage has been heading down the shitter for fucking ages.

And Maybe Bad Lieutenant.

Drive Angry was fun in parts, but that was entirely William Fitchner who done that. Odd faced, lizardy chap, but proper good in that film.

That's enough, be off with you.


Perkin.