16/09/14 Cannonball (1976)

Nothing to do with the Cannonball Run films although it's also about a bunch of people racing cars. Incredibly colourful, in the visual, colour-y sense. The acting, action, plot and all that shizzle are crap, but it's easy to watch due to the aesthetic vibrancy.

Bloody hell, I just typed 'aesthetic vibrancy', what an arse-womble.

Still if you love old cars and colours, it's worth a go.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0074279/
5.5/10

"Do you know how much of a cock you look in that hat?"

"You hum it, I'll play it"

Road sheds were a significant contributor to accidents in the '70s.

"Fuck me, Gary! What happened?"

"Hit a shed."

Of course, being a film about cars, that cunt Jeremy Clarkson has to get in on it.

What else do you need? I've always loved getting petrol and drunk at the same time followed by a burger.

"How do I quantify a colour? Alright, it's very, very red. Happy?"

"Bit of advice for the future Mr Carradine, things round the neck, well..."

"Went for drive. Stopped for nap. Lovely"

"How much?"

"You or the old girl?"

"Both at the same time"

"Fifty quid"

"Jump in"

A chase between a Charger and a Mustang worked really well in Bullitt. Will they recreate the magic in this? 

No.

Hair!

And everything else.

They were casual and permissive times, the mid-70s.

"A nice cup of tea, then I'll crash into a shed."

Perkin.

21/06/14 Animal (2014)

Five young people of varying shades of slappable go off for a hike in the woods and get pursed by a bitey monster. they hide in a shed with some other people, then most of them die.

 Pretty much sums it up.

It's low budget and should be terrible, but it's actually quite a decent effort. Don't get me wrong, it's no equal to The Thing, but for what it is, it's very entertaining and the monster is either CGI that looks better than the effects used in films costing twenty times as much or it's a superb man in a rubber suit type effort. And it's certainly tons better than The Thing sequel from a few years ago.

 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2996684/
8/10 (Y'know, relative an' all that.)

Perkin.

25/05/14 The Kings Of Summer (2013)

Film about three outcast teenage boys who decide to get away from it all by building a house in the woods and becoming independent.

When I was of a similar age, me and three friends done something similar. Ish. We emptied my mate's dad's storage shed and turned it into a cocktail bar.  After a while we got bored of sitting in a small shed that smelt of paint. Then his dad put the lawnmower in there and there wasn't enough room for us. Ah well, folly of youth and all that.

Anyway, the film is great for the first half, then spoils it a bit by doing the pissy, John Hughes 'teenage issues' thing.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2179116/
7/10

Perkin.

07/04/14 Sweeny 2 (1978)

Bloody wish I was a plod in the '70s, the job appeared to basically be drinking, driving cracking cars at high speed (probably between pubs), lots of casual sex, occasionally punching someone and then drinking some more.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0078351/
7/10

"That's it son, you're pipped!"

"Second floor: women's clothes, homewares and yellow Cortinas."

"What you wearing?"

"Brown. Everythings... brown."

"Mmmm, yeah, talk brown to me."

This was voted London's most glamorous building in 1978. Shove the Gherkin and the Shard up yer arse!

"Bloody hell, Jack! What's with all the carrots?"

"You'll see."

"Pull over, Maurice. It's time for some fun!"

"I can't, I'm engaged to Big John."

"You know he's a male prostitute? Collects his takings in a shoe box."

My dad had a Maxi when I was a kid. Comfy old motors.

"Time of death? Quarter past lollipop."

"Been a good week."

"Welcome to Shed Club. First rule of Shed Club is buy a shed.

...And a green jacket."

I'm not saying the police were more right wing in the '70s, but this was Walthamstow nick's racial crime incident room.

British cars built in the '70s were not of the highest quality. This is the rusty result of one afternoon's rain on new cars.

And this is the result of a 5mph crash.

Hitler looks very disaproving of this, doesn't he? Like a really angry uncle. 

"Ich bien disaproven schnell!"

This was probably a kid's show back then. 

DCI Perkin.

27/04/13 Resolution (2012)

Two fellas in a shed, start to realise they're in a film or something. One has a beard and drugs, the other wanders off to look in a cave. People online are claiming this is great, it's boring.


http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1977895/
2.5/10

Perkin.

19/08/12 The Victim (2011)

Two women are hanging out with some fellas in the woods, it all goes tits-up and one of the women dies. The other one wanders off and finds a shed that Kyle Reese is living in. The two fellas come after them to finish her off as well. The woman then spends most of the film having flashbacks that involve her and her dead chum sitting on a sofa.

Done with minimal budget and crew, it's far better than many 'peril-in-the-woods' efforts.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1684564/
5/10

Perkin.