07/11/14 Return Of The Living Dead 2 (1988)

Much more fun than the third one, closer in tone to the silliness of the first. Plot and acting are total cockwash, but the camp, practical, puppetry of the effects are great.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095990/
9/10 (effects) about 4/10 for everything else.

"Have you met the wife? Gives great head!"

Elbow Lad was a popular disease in the '80s.

"Dan, stop! There's someone watching."

"Well let's give 'em a good show!'

"Bloody hell, Bill! What are you so afraid of?"

"What year is it?"

"1988"

"In that case, communists. And women."

"What do you mean, over? Is it the age difference? Have you met someone else?"

"Yes, I'm afraid there's someone else. Good bye, Stephanie."

"Is it done? No more living a lie?"

"The bitch is history."

Am I Breaking Bad?

What would make this dull brown van more exciting?

A dull brown stripe down the side. Apparently.

I like the wheels though.

Ian McShane.

A brighter Croydon for everybody!

Perkin.

28/01/14 Sideways (2004)

When this came out, absolutely every film critic was desperate to wank themselves inside-out over how brilliant it is. Pretty much reinforcing my opinion of professional critics as a syndicated hive-mind, incapable of forming their own opinions.

Possible exaggeration aside, they can all suck my balls. Apart from very good acting, this film just came across as a middle-class circle-jerk between the makers and the intended audience. Fuck that shit.

The plot, as you possibly know, is two dislikeable men go on a short tour around some American vineyards, lightly bicker, meet some women and display punch-worthy levels of whining, pissy self-obsession. Yeah, I get it, men are eternal boys emotionally, who reach a point where they realise nothing in life is as great as the box it came in promised, and we need the stabilising maturity of women to give us focus. Or they could just grow up and not be fucking cabbages.

Also, people who think wine is important are cunts. Not the ways it brings economic benefits to the regions it grows in or any of that bigger picture stuff, but those folk who observe the snobbish fucking twaddle around the whole wine 'thing'. If it tastes good and you can afford it, it's good wine. Nothing else matters. Doesn't matter if the bottle's got a picture of a rustic chateaux or a fucking party balloon. I've had three quid bottles of bargain plonk that's been every bit as satisfying as the rare times I've tasted the thirty-quid-a-pop stuff.

Still, it might just be a class thing, I'd rather have a pint of lager.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0375063/
Shite/10

Even that poster is smug and cunty.

Perkin.