29/07/12 Swerve (2011)

Ho-hum Aussie film about a man with a banana shaped face, his wife, a guy with a beard, some money and a few other people in some small town in the outback that seems to have a full marching band parading up and down its one street at all times. Tries to do the Tarantino/'90s twisty thriller thing, but mostly just achieves boring.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1592576/
4/10

Perkin.

27/07/12 Maximum Overdrive (1986)

I loved this film when I was about 13. Got into AC/DC because of it. The band, not being bisexual or electrical currents. The soundtrack's still flippin' ace. Film itself? Not held up so well. Nice idea, technology becoming globally self-aware overnight and turning on the humans. Steven King's only attempt at directing.

Stick to the books, Steve.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091499/
4/10

"Oh, lord, no! Won't somebody think of the melons! Why!? WHY!?"

"Shush woman! I'm a melonphile, this is heaven! Sexy melon jackpot!"

"Hot exposed melons?"

*Wanks furiously*

"Are you Jeremy Clarkson?"

"Yes."

"Why are you wearing that bright green Tshirt?"

"It's a tribute to the fallen melons."

"You cunty gobshite."

"Which one of you melon-fucker perverts ordered a crate full of Dutch children?"

Perkin.

27/07/12 Rift (2011)

Some terrible "actors" who can't even play people convincingly are living in a block of flats that are haunted or something whilst some other woman is investigating the building's spooky history.

One of the bumliest films of the years.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0875613/
1/10

Perkin.

25/07/12 Cleanskin (2012)

Sean Flatcap plays Ecky Coalmine who works as an off-the-books assassin for possibly the intelligence/secret services or possibly a privately funded, slick terrorist hunting vigilante group. It's not made clear, well, not until the end. Even then it's a bit ambiguous.

The film wobbles between thoughty talk-thriller and Bourne-like action flick. Most of all, it's probably comparable to a British version of '24'. But with 22.5 missing due to its runnning time. Dunno though as I never bothered watching 24, it all looked a bit Fox News world view to me. Might be wrong, but fuck off, I'm writing this, so I'm right.

I was impressed with the depth of some of the characters, although their actions in the film occasionally were contradictory. The main bad guy in particular. The sting at the end of the film is nice, and my cynical side was thinking how possibly possible it all possibly could be. Possibly.

Anyway, it's flawed but good and it's nice to see a well structured British film that lets you think a little between fight scenes.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1598873/
6.5/10

Perkin.

24/07/12 The Rise & Fall of a White Collar Hooligan (2012)

Massively deceptive poster/cover art or whatever they're called. The film's opening scene is one of two groups of football troublists facing off, at which point two old chums who haven't seen each other in years meet up, go for a pint, then get involved in credit card fraud.

Which is actually not such a bad thing as I've seen enough films with rival 'firms' telling each other to 'Jog on, you cahnt' and all that fucking twaddle. Those films all look like this:

In Bed with Medinner, I miss that show, it was flippin' great. Me and my brother never missed it. Much better than this film.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2121377/

5/10

Perkin.

22/07/12 Chillers (1987)

Dire anthology film. The only noteworthy thing about it is that 'Bus Driver' was played by Peter Jesus. Awesome!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092750/
2/10

Perkin.

21/07/12 The House (2007)

Why is it that in horror/spook films people are unrealistically brave? If I was to walk into a house for the first time and the walls started bleeding warnings of death, I'd fuck right off in a trail of brown mist. People in films though, they just think "Oh, this house is a bit rum, what with the bleeding walls, screaming undead shadow figures and the reocurring nightmarish flashbacks. I'll pop back tommorow."

Anyway, it's too long, the effects are a bit naff at times and for every half decent chill there's twenty minutes of boredom.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1070750/
5/10

Here's a picture of a tiny Terminator with our copy:

Perkin.