16/10/12 Hypothermia (2010)

Michael Rooker, some women, two young blokes and Kevinface  play people who decide to go ice fishing on a lake which gives the local rubberdevil the right arse!

Judged up against proper films that people pretend are important, this is a right load of titwank. If watched as the straight-up horror film it is, this is much better than many films we've watched this year.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1313244/
7/10

Some examples of Kevinface's finest work:

Perkin.

14/10/12 Tamara (2005)

Slightly above average supernatural teen revenge film.

Apparently dying makes you more physically attractive. But also very eeeeeeevil.

Filmed in Canada.

5.5/10

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0401815/

Canada!

Perkin.

13/10/12 Sound Of My Voice (2011)

Two investigative hipsters join a pyjama cult whose leader claims to be from the future and eats apples.

They bicker a lot, high five some Steve Jobs looking fella, enjoy a group vomit and plan a child kidnapping.

It's pretty good.

7.5/10
 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1748207/

Perkin.

12/10/12 Cobra (1986)

Children of the Internet, be glad!

You've grown up in a time of instant access, mass gratification, information overload.

When me and my people were trying to work out what kind of humans we were, we had to learn the hard way. None of this status update, iPhone, Google maps, telephone vote, 500 TV channel, online shopping, blu-ray, pre-sanitised shit for us. You pissy little fucks. Nope, we had miserable weather, tory governments*, the cold war and fucking terrible shit like this film as our relief from the crushing banality of everyday life.

I'm almost surprised it took me 26 years to finally watch this fucking shit and confirm my suspicions that it was a load of pig-awful bum-rape. Stallone, eh? What a wonky-mouthed cunt. How can you go from showing such initial promise (Rocky 1) to so rapidly becoming such a fucking arsehole.

I dunno, what I'm basically saying with this is that I'm jealous of young people and that this film's awful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIjccsx7cD4&feature=plcp
1/10

Shitness is a disease, meet the cause.

Perkin.

*Yeah, got another one. Any bastard that voted for 'em can put their name on my cunt list. Wankers.

12/10/12 Resurrecting The Street Walker (2009)

A film about a wannabe film-maker who obsesses about a film made by another film-maker 20 years before that might have been a snuff film. Or some shit like that.

Some of the performance are half decent, but almost the entire cast seem to be playing pissy, self-absorbed film wankers and unless done well, the 'post event, talking heads, mockumentary' thing is boring.

The Aussie film Lake Mungo done it well, and unlike this film, was kinda scary in places.

Also, it has the word Mungo in the title.



Mungo.


http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1512228/
4/10

That poster looks like a miserable version of this one:

Perkin.

Mungo.

09/10/12 The Barrens (2012)

Bloke can't find his dog, takes family camping.

Goes a bit pear-shaped, might be a thing in the woods.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2050633/
4/10

Perkin.

08/10/12 Storage 24 (2012)

Some people in a storage warehouse have an argument then get attacked by a monster.

Made like a TV film, back in the days when TV used to bother with such things.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1986953/
6/10

Perkin.