07/07/14 Hard To Kill (1990)

You ever seen Raging Bull? Probably. You know how to show the different phases of a mans life stretching over two or three decades Robert DeNiro put himself through an incredibly punishing training regime so that his physique and skills were entirely convincing as a world champion boxer, followed by the binge dieting that assaulted his health and turned him into a grotesque, bloated lump?

This:

Now, I hate tedious luvvie wank where people big-up 'The Craft' or describe acting as art, it's not, it's people pretending to be other people and getting money for it, however, good acting is impressive and DeNiro's above example is unarguably an admirable commitment to a role.

So, with all that in mind, how do you think Steven Seagal, one of enternity's finest actors, uses his near limitless tool set of acting skills to convey the fact that he has just woken from a seven year coma? Surely not just look a bit confused and wear a shit fake beard?

Oh.

Oh well. Anyway, Stevey plays some copperplod with an unlikely name, Mirribelle Bumcake or something similar, and he takes some pictures of some bad guys, his wife gets killed, he has a nap for seven years, then he biffs some baddies and it ends.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099739/

2/10

His face looks odd and smooth. Like the tip of a penis.

Perkin.