Friday, 31 October 2014

31/10/14 The Babadook (2014)

Halloween so obviously we're going to watch a horror film. The other 364 days of the year are just the result of an under active social gland.

Anyway, this film's currently being wanked on from all directions by the horror fans, so even though experience tells me otherwise, I was keen to see it. I was expecting it to be total Babadollocks, but it's actually good. Nothing original, but the scares are very much present. I thought it was great.

Until the end. The last twenty minutes are basically a woman screaming followed by the most 'eh?' resolution I've seen for ages. Really is a dollop of shit icing on an otherwise tasty cake. Real shame as it kinda spoils it.

Ah well. Worth seeing, just draw a better ending on some paper and stick that over the screen for the final stretch.

What is brilliant though, is this album cover photo I saw the other day:

Yes, it appears to be a baby wearing a sack mask running away from a couple of dead people.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!"
*Dials number into baby phone*
"Maurice, it's me! It's happened again! Meet me under the bridge and bring the suitcase"
"Same as that village in Yorkshire?"
"Yeah, same as the village in Yorkshire"
"Shit! I'll send in the clean up team."

Also, here's a cannon blowing a giant smoke cock and an amusingly graffiti'd water bottle for you:

Cheers, then.

29/10/14 The Taking Of Deborah Logan (2014)

Horror film that's actually creepy. If you like the thought of seeing an old lady trying to absorb a child, this should be on your must-see list. Also if you like good horror flicks.


28/10/14 White Lightning (1973)

Made during that twenty year period when Burt Reynolds made lots of films about men in the deep south driving massive, underpowered oil furnace cars.

The first two-thirds of this film is surprisingly straight, almost noirish/southern gothic sorta thing at times. Then it has a car chase and becomes Moonshine and the Bandit until it ends.

Also stars Ned Beatty. No bum rape.


28/10/14 Stretch (2014)

Well nosh me sideways! A comedy that's actually funny!

Alright, first twenty minutes aren't great and the last fifteen are meh, but the middle hour is proper LOLsome. A few lines of dialogue had us doing large chuckle wheels.


27/10/14 Automata (2014)

Like a cross between Blade Runner and I Am Robot, a boring fifteen minutes half way in, but otherwise a pretty damn decent effort.

Desert poo.


27/10/14 V/H/S: Viral (2014)

The third in the VHS series.

The wraparound story is a bit wank, but the three inner stories are all unusually strong.

Dante The Great: is fun, some cracking effects and a decent ending.

Parallel Monsters: was probably our favorite. Guy invents a dimensional doorway in his basement, meets another version of himself in a version of our world where things are a little odd.

Bonestorm: A pair of annoying slacker skater pricks go to Mexico and do, like, a gnarly Jason And The Argonauts tribute thing.

So, yeah, if you like anthology horrors, you could do bumloads worse than this.


26/10/14 Let's Be Cops (2014)

Let's Be Cocks, more like.