Wednesday, 16 April 2014

15/04/14 The Terrornauts (1967)

Never heard of this until Empire magazine reviewed it last month describing it as a British version of Plan 9 From Outer Space with Charles Hawtrey. Pretty fair summary.

Lovely silly twaddle.

"Sick beats, blud."
"Aye, gonna drop a phat mix on yo bitches."


"Lord above man! We may be facing death from a hostile alien force, but there's still room for tea. We're British, not savages!"

"Quite right, Barnaby!"

"Not in public, Gary! Put it back in my drawer."

No expense spared, or actually used, in set design.

"Where's Grandma, Grandad?"
"Funny story lad, you're holding her."

I'm tired, but imagine some caption involving the banana and innuendo.

"Have you done something new with your hair?"
"Glaaaaaarg reethh asshh"
"Oh, a new claw! I knew there was something different."


Tuesday, 15 April 2014

14/04/14 Alien Abduction (2014)

Found footage film about a family of gobshites who are on holiday or something and eventually they get abducted by aliens. Then it ends. If the first 70 minutes were as good as the last ten, it'd be worth watching.


14/04/14 Wicked Blood (2014)

Better than expected crime drama. Contains Sean Bean managing to do an accent that isn't Yorkshire.


14/04/14 Gone Baby Gone (2007)

Double-Affleck, missing child. Actorly actyness.


13/04/14 The Seven-Ups (1973)

Slow paced flick about a semi-covert team of specialist plodcops who people suspect are a bit dodgy. Bloody fantastic car chase.


13/04/14 The Green Butchers (2003)

I didn't watch this, Pod did. She scored it 5/10. So there you go.

As that's not much of a review, I shall attempt to entertain you with photos I took at work yesterday. It was a quiet shift, so I looked up some places to go on holiday using Google Maps, here's a selection:

"Cock Pepsi?"
"No thank you, I have a Penis Cola."

"I've injured my fudge."
"Well, you need to go and visit..."

Probably has a carwash at the end.

I want to live there.

I wonder what inspired the name?

Well, every nation has its faults, but that's been a little harsh.


12/04/14 From Hell (2001)

People whose opinion I value have told me that Alan Moore's grown-up comics are bloody good reads. Shame the film adaptations are a bit hit-and-miss.

Anyway, in this film Johnny Depp gets mashed on opium and has visions about cobblestones, gin and dead women. Robbie Coltraine plays his spherical chum. Jack The Ripper, woeful bloody acting, piss-poor accents, awful clich├ęs,  too long and about as historically accurate as The Life of Brian.