Friday, 30 September 2016

29/09/16 The Sighting (2016)

A chap and two friends get attacked by some yetis.

Although the local copperplods think that it was the survivor of the attack who killed the other two and made up the story about the yetis.


--/09/16 Redistributors (2016)

A young lady has a job and some baddies are after her because of a video of something so she hides with her brother in his den of poshly spoken hackers.

Think so anyway, I wasn't taking much notice.

Dunno, so few films are worth the effort these days. And I get distracted by the cats. Then we start having a conversation about, like, history's widest people or something.



--/09/16 Satanic (2016)

This film's forgetableness is its own fault rather than mine although for horror fans who can tolerate shitting terrible acting, it does have some decent practical effects when people start getting murderkilled.


--/09/16 The Unspoken (2015)

You know how people who were witnesses to significant historical events 'break their silence for the first time about that day' forty years on, or some such stuff?

Well, it's all bollocks, don't believe a word they say. I watched this film last week and had to look it up on two websites before I remembered what happened in it, and my memory's still a bit patchy.

I suppose you could say that when 8yr old Billy Applefarm saw JFK get shot in Texas it might've created more of a mental impression than a man in his forties indifferently watching a generic horror film, but shut-up and who cares.


--/09/16 The Quatermass Xperiment (1955)

A man picks up a bug whilst he's on the moon or something then after he gets back to Earth he slowly starts turning into a space tree or whatnot.


--/09/16 The Purge: Election Year (2016)

The original Purge was a good idea for a film. If it was made thirty-five years ago by John Carpenter in his prime, it would've been fantastic. Think of Escape From New York and you'll probably see why I suggest Carpenter would have fit so well.

Sadly, as it was made in modern times, the initially thrilling concept of a single day of the year when all acts are decriminalised, was run through the idiot filters and the three purge films have shit into the cinemas to the delight of cretins.

That said, I've watched all three and this one was probably the most entertaining.


Wednesday, 21 September 2016

20/09/16 The Curse Of Robert The Doll (2016)

I've waffled on about the films of Andrew Jones on here before. The lack of budget and hurried production splits through the seams of everything he's done so far, however, I like his stuff. It has a cheery spirit, make-do attitude and sense of fun that films with 1000 times the budget could learn a lot from.

I mean it's total bumwash, but, well, isn't everything?

This is (I think) the third film that the Robert The Doll, er, 'character' has featured in. Robert is like an evil ventriloquists assistant. Think of Keith Harris being directed by William Friedkin:

Half way through something started to trouble me about this and every other possessed toy film I've seen, so I took to Twitter and asked the chap responsible, rather pleasingly, he replied:

Well, Mr Jones, if you read this, ensure that there's a wood chipper churning away beneath the window. Y'know, just to make sure.

Anyway, if you've seen any of young Jones' other films, you'll probably know what to expect. Special mention for both Clare Gollop's amusing dialogue delivery and (the extremely attractive) Tiffany Ceri's credible performance. 

In a film about a murderous doll. So, like, don't go in expecting some shit with Ralph Fiennes poncing on about Shakespeare and all that.