Tuesday, 22 July 2014

21/07/14 City Of The Living Dead (1980)

People who wank on about how great Lucio Fuchi films are should put down their copy of Fangoria and actually watch one.

Too tired to blather on about this, but it was the usual combination of people who couldn't act their way out of bed and gore effects that look like dropped pasta.



Look at that bald, one eyed bumlord. Twat.


21/07/14 The Battery (2012)

Low budget, well acted, amusingly scripted zombie flick with a much funnier wanking scene than you'd expect from a film of this type.

Occasionally wobbles on the hipster/indie line but never falls off. Definitely one of the better zombie films you'll see for a while.



21/07/14 Transcendence (2014)

A woman's married to Johnny Depp, he dies a bit, but it's OK as she manages to downloaded him onto a laptop. Wife and PixelDepp move to the desert to build a really, really big computer and create magic digital insects.

Was done much better a year or two ago in an episode of Black Mirror.



20/07/14 Primal Rage (1988)

A research lab where an ape has been infected with a rage virus gets broken into, anger-monkey bites a guy who spreads the virus around some humans.

15 years later it was done much, much better in 28 days later.

The main guy is some sweater wearing, bouncy, white-toothed hybrid of Rob Lowe and Cliff Richard. Within seconds of looking at him I wanted to knee him in the head. He rides around on a bright red moped and looks like a right dick while he does so. Sadly, no furious primates tear his flesh off and wear his face as a hat.

Probably a great fella in real life though.



20/07/14 The Horror Vault (2008)

Nine separate short flicks. All of them filmed using a potato.

Total mess of a portmanteau effort that, fucking somehow, has got a few good reviews online. I'm guessing it was in the cast/crew napkin contracts to big it up online.



Monday, 21 July 2014


This bit will be filled in tomorrow (22/07/14)

Bet you can't wait an shizzle.

20/07/14 Coven (2000)

The budget of this film wouldn't even fill a basket in the pound shop. It's badly acted (apart from the guy talking about 'reaching the low point of life', he's kinda good in that scene), terribly filmed -in every sense, the camera appears to be some form of pin-hole/biscuit tin arrangement- incoherently plotted and, yet, somehow still more enjoyable than so much of the thundering mud biscuits I've seen lately.

There's a documentary about the making of this that actually received a legitimate audience, won awards and turned the awkward looking writer/director/star into an actual film person. I'm gonna have a search for that.