Wednesday, 27 April 2016

25/04/16 Triple 9 (2016)

Film starts well with a bank heist that (unusually for a film) only goes partially wrong.

Turns out it was some bent copperplods. Then there's another 1hr 40mins of stuff that isn't as interesting to watch.


24/04/16 Sucker (2015)

A young fellow becomes the student of an ageing con man and his daughter. Not brilliant, but better than I was expecting. I dunno what else to write.

Just had a look on the BBC website in another tab and I noticed that number 10 in their list of Most Read articles is 'Spider bites Australian man on penis'.

Wonder if it made his spidey sense tingle?


23/04/16 Lumberjack Man (2015)

Low budget comedy horror that forgets about the comedy bit after the first twenty minutes.


23/04/16 Holidays (2016)

Horror anthology where each segment is based around (in the Yank definition) a holiday.

Largely forgettable although Father's Day and Christmas were highlights/near misses.

Kevin Smith's one in particular was disappointing. Red State aside, he's really plunged into the brown since the fun of Mallrats and the brilliance of Clerks.


22/04/16 Midnight Special (2016)

Granite-featured chuckle-vacuum Michael Shannon struggles to keep control of his very bright son during a family journey.


Thursday, 21 April 2016

17/04/16 After Earth (2013)

Will Smith passes his on-screen terribleness to the next generation.


16/04/16 The Boy (2016)

A young American lady comes to England to take a child minding job whilst the parents are on holiday.
Rather than looking after some terrible little wanker in a new-build housing estate, it's in a large, isolated house in the sticks called, like, Ominous Towers, or Loomingdread Hall or somesuch.

Anyway, turns out that the family's a bit odd. The parents appear to be in their early seventies and oddly secretive, and their son, Brahms, is a weird little fellow. He doesn't move much, stares a lot, dresses strangely and is a medium sized wooden doll.

I nearly wrote chod minding job in that first paragraph. Can you imagine that, being paid to look after someone's bum biscuits? Anyway.

So the parents go on holiday and the baby sitter thinks she's landed the world's cushtiest gig, having a big house to herself, and pretending to take care of the world's gayest looking action figure. The chap from the local village who delivers essentials -apparently every half an hour. They sure get through a lot of stuff in that house- quickly becomes a chum and potential love interest, and all seems well for the first evening.

However, things start going a bit funny and Brahms appears to be a little more animate than his non-fleshy status would suggest, at first he's yer standard creepy doll type thing, then apparently begins developing a bit of a crush on his temporary carer. Well, she is a good looking lady.

For a large part of the film I struggled to watch it seriously as every time the childminder was in her undies or taking a shower, I expected the camera to pan round and see Brahms *ahem* polishing his woodpecker, or a least a shot of a keyhole with a faint rapid *knock knock knock knock* noise coming from the other side.

"Brahms, what are these little piles of sawdust in my shoes?" 

Yes, I am in my '40s and amuse myself with the thought of small, pervert mannequins.

Predictably enough, with all films involving creepy houses and possessed dolls, it all goes a bit wonky as Brahms may not be as harmless and playful as thought.

Most reviews of this have said that the story is derivative but performed well, I can go along with that, and I enjoyed its old fashioned spookiness.
It must also be said that I've seen thousands (by now literally so) of horror films and one scene in this, the 'mirror emergence', actually did give me the creeps. Not "Ooh, that's a bit odd" but the full-on "Fucking hell! What the shitting balls is this?!"

So for that alone, I'm gonna say job well done.