Saturday, 29 August 2015

28/08/2015 Big Sky (2015)

A girl is travelling across America with her mum for agoraphobia treatment when their car is held up by gunmen for reasons that aren't particularly clear but we weren't particularly watching as the film's pretty dull.  The moral of the story is agoraphobia specialists should understand their subject better and do home visits.



28/08/2015 The Dark Knight (2008)

There's likely a previous scathing Film Plop review but we folk at Plop Towers are apparently the only people on the planet who believe this film to be a sack of overrated old balls.  In the fog of meh Heath Ledger's Joker is entertaining in a hammy way but Christian "Whispering Makes Me Intense" Bale's Batman makes me want George Clooney to cape up again. Although Batman & Robin was nothing special it didn't take itself too seriously and it didn't have the entire world think it was a masterpiece of cinema. This film lasts for fucking days and although I was only semi watching Batman doesn't seem to actually feature that much. Does anyone genuinely think the Nolan Batman films are amazing or is it just because an iPhone app said they should? And what happened to Robin anyway? Not even a zero hours contract for the little fella?!

Dark Knight (Old Shite)/10


Thursday, 27 August 2015

27/08/2015 Tiger House (2015)

Boy meets girl. Boy dates girl. Boy accidentally shoots girl in the leg with a crossbow (as you do). Boy and girl are in his posh family home when it's raided by crim types. Not badly acted (especially by the standards of the old pony we watch) but beige.



Tuesday, 25 August 2015


Happy birthday, Smalls!

24/08/15 7lives (2011)

If Hollywood is the western world's city of films, then London must be a small, distant village. Every village needs an idiot.

Anyway, this is a Danny Dyer film.

I'm trying to picture his face, but all I'm seeing is A pint of lager wearing a West Ham shirt, with twenty Bensons floating in it as it swaggers around telling people to 'Leeev it aaaaht, Shirley' and other such rubbish.

I dunno, the film's actually got an interesting idea going on and I'd be lying if I said it didn't hold my attention. So, yeah, not bad.


24/08/15 Broken Horses (2015)

Some, critics have bigged this film up as a bit of a masterpiece.

Here's why it's not:

The plot. Two brothers grow up in a small town, the younger one is sensitive and upon reaching adulthood, goes of to live in the big city. The other, a rather lesser-witted fellow, stays behind and makes a living as a goon for the local crime boss.

Younger brother returns and infiltrates the gang in an attempt to extract dummo from its clutches. Along the way there's the occasional shooting and beating.

The main activity of the gang of bad guys appears to be, well, just that, 'Grrr, we're baddies! Be careful around us!'

Is there anything in that plot which isn't straight out of some piss-poor Stevan Seagal bollocks? This doesn't even have the comedy value of that mumbling, tubby pensioner pretending to beat up people much younger than him.

The acting. I think Anton Yelchin has been very good in everything I've seen him in, certainly the ONLY thing of merit in Terminator Salvation. However in this he spends most of the film squeaking a few lines of dialogue and looking like he's about to cry. The guy playing his brother is less like a realistic portrayal of someone with a limited IQ, and more like someone doing a prolonged playground 'spazz' impression. Vincent Donofrio's gang leader lacks any real sense of menace and seems rather portly and camp, like a redneck version of Uncle Monty from Withnail And I.

I think the relationship between the brothers is meant to be akin to Steinbeck's Lenny and George, including the sense of trying to avoid inevitable disaster, but instead... Fuck all this, the film's shit.


22/08/15 Wrong Turn 3 (2009)

The first Wrong Turn film is the best. When I saw that again recently, I thought it was shit. Therefore...