Tuesday, 30 June 2015

28/06/15 Spies Like Us (1985)

I didn't watch this, Podd did. I saw it about 25 years ago. Seemed to recall it was pretty average.

Podd said it was pretty average.

Why can't world leaders reach agreements as easily, huh?



27/06/15 It's Alive (1974)

Woman gives birth to evil baby. All the usual nonsense.


"Gentlemen, tonight we escape!"

Did people actually understand colours back then?

"I always knew this day would come. Just one more sip of iced piss before we leave."
"Yes, Mr Putin."

"I had everything invested in Play-Doh before the crash in '08. Lost it all, the cot, the toys, even the new pram."

"Doctor? Nah, just love looking at fannies."

"He hasn't called you, has he, Miriam?"
"Be quiet, Desk Owl. He will, I know it."

"I've left you my thumbs and moustache in the will. Everything else can go to charity."
"Thank you, Admiral."


Monday, 29 June 2015

27/06/15 House Of The Devil (2009)

How can you tell that a horror film director is under 40? They set their film in the '80s.

I can't be bothered to go into my whine about how shit that is, and I'm willing to give this one a pass as it's actually half decent.

And it's got Tom Noonan in it. Sounds like a Scottish person telling their grandma to hurry up; "Noo, Nan!"

Also the main character is played by Jocelin Donohoe. Not only good at the acting thing (very good in The Living) but also really quite trouser pleasing.



26/06/15 Charlie's Farm (2014)

This is the 1500th Film Plop. I can't decide if that's a boast or a terrible admission of time wasted. 

As for this film, everyone involved should be sent home without a pudding.

Slasher film set in Australia where everyone seems, for some unlikely reason, to be American. The result is a blend of Friday The 13th and Neighbours. But shitter.



26/06/15 Creep (2014)

Man hires a chap with a video camera to record him. Turns out he might be a bit of a wrong 'un.

Spoiler: He is.



Thursday, 25 June 2015

25/06/15 Indigenous (2014)

currently watching this. So far, it's shit. Pretty much a piss-poor cover version of The Descent (which is brilliant) but for cunts.
If it improves, I'll come back to this. Doubt it will though.



24/06/15 Insidious: Chapter 3 (2015)

Are they're people who actively seek out this sort of shit?

"I wanna go and see a film. I want it to be *like* a horror film, but without any of that scary stuff, or tension, a sense of threat, disturbing imagery, gore, violence and swear words.

However, repetitive, tepid jump-scares framed by a plot that is as clear and bland as a celery flavoured window would be great."

The fact that this will, no doubt, be very successful and make more profit than religion is probably a good indicator of how submissive and bovine a huge number of people's tastes are.

Y'know, the above applies to films from other genres, romantic fluff where Drew Barrymore falls in love with a clog salesman, 'dramas' where George Clooney wears a suit and makes decisions which people listen to, action films where square-jawed millitary folk stoically defend something or other from generic brown/East European enemies... It's all a load of old wank.

Not just films; books, TV shows, food, housing, political consensus, everything seems to aspire to the compromise, the middle ground. The spoon-fed, innofensive, end-goal of beige partial fulfilment.

I'm just typing this nonsense to try and give the impression that I'm somehow more selective in my passions, but it's not true. I live a life as unspectacular as everyone else's, if not more so than most. I watched this fucking rubbish after all.