Friday, 27 November 2015

26/11/15 Heist (2015)

A review I read of this pointed out the massive flaw that that the whole film depends on our acceptance that someone would suggest an almost certainly suicidal crime to a co-worker over a two minute cigarette break at work (it's the first time they've met), and, after seeing the film, it's a pretty fair comment.

However, if your're willing to suspend disbelief to the required level, it's a pretty enjoyable slice of nonsense.


Thursday, 26 November 2015

26/11/15 The Green Inferno (2013)

Little Eli Roth has made a great big movie, all on his own! Isn't he a clever boy? Well done, Eli. Have a biscuit and a gold star to put on your chart.

Right, now fuck off and take your dogshit films with you.
3.5 / 10


25/11/15 Midnight Run (1988)

The one where Jake LaBickle Tried comedy,
Something or other/10


Wednesday, 25 November 2015

24/11/15 Orion: The man who would be King (2015)

Essentially a documentary about an Elvis impersonator.

Historically speaking, nothing in this film is really of significance, I'd never heard of the guy before Mark Kermode mentioned this in his reviews. However it's a surprisingly immersive film that held our attention and is worth watching if you wanna peek into one of the past's more peculiar musical corners.


24/11/15 Are You Being Served? (1977)

Old, cheap, naff twaddle from that era (approximately 1585-1997) when Britain found the word 'bloomers' the absolute apex of hilarity.

Naturally, I laughed more than I will ever admit in person. Let us not speak of this again.

Shut up. At least I'm not kicking babies through windows or anything.
1 billion/10


23/11/15 Prophecy (1979)

Another 1970s film about something going bollock shaped in the eco system. Whereas No Blade Of Grass was an unexpectedly potent film about our terminal exploitation of nature, this one focuses mostly on a giant mutant bear.

Although, like NBOG, it does drop in some surprisingly thoughty stuff about the destruction of natural resources in pursuit of commercial gain and the effects are fun.


23/11/15 No Blade Of Grass (1970)

I'd never heard of this, a 1970 Brit-film, based on a book, about a plant killing disease that spreads across the world, destroying the environment and, due to our dependence on it, then society.

The acting's hammier than David Cameron's cock, the script is frequently terrible, the time-jumping edit is a bit wank, and it's got that casual, unquestioned class/gender thing that seemed to be in most Brit films from that era, as in no one from the lower orders, especially the women, would know what to do until a man with a stern posh accent and proud moustache had made the decisions for them.

Having said all that, I really enjoyed it. The message about the effect our collective greed has on the planet was as delicate as a sledgehammer but still effective, some of the action scenes were impressively done, there was some good jokes thrown in and the 'look' of the film seems to change in alignment with the plot, as things look increasingly bleak for humanity, the visuals seem to mirror the lack of hope, everything at the start is post-hippy colourful and bright, by the end it's wintery shots of moorland and decaying livestock corpses.

It ends up being like a blend of Threads, 28 Days Later and Mad Max. But not as grim as Threads (what is?), there's no zombies and it's not in Australia.


"Nope, just love looking at fannies."

"I'll have a pound of goat mince and two whale chops, please."

From the actual film, not, like, The Fast Show or something.

Hipster connections: Meet hipsters in your area today!

"That was the news. Up next, The Urban Music Hour."

Forever tainted with the Essex boy stigma, the Mk3 Capri makes it easy to forget how stunning the Mk1s were. Seriously, lovely looking motors.

Early appearance by Pointless co-presenter, Richard Osman.

*Up the arse corner*

Biker gangs looked shit in the '70s. Like a bunch of scruffy supply teachers on Hondas.

Pauline Fowler was quite the crumpet in her youth,

"Good evening, welcome to The Urban Music Hour. My guest tonight is Sir Perigrine Fortescue. Better known to most of you under his stage name 'Tweed Killah.'"