Sunday, 30 April 2017

04/17 Prevenge (2016)

.A pregnant woman, under the spoken instructions of her unborn child, kills a number of people.

In fairness, they mostly deserve it.

Foetuses: wiser than you assume!

Hope the writer/director/star, Alice Lowe, does more horror. Got a knack for it.


04/17 Time After Time (1979)

.H.G. Wells goes into the distant future of 1979 to catch Jack The Ripper.

Jolly good fun it is too.


04/17 Split (2017)

We watched this again as Podd didn't see it first time round.

Professor X's academy for gifted children had really small, dungeon-y beginnings.


04/17 Small Crimes (2017)

.A bent, former addict and alcoholic disgraced plodcop gets out of prison and stumbles right back into the trouble that bollocksed his life up previously.
Has a supporting role from 'Plop fave Macon Blair.
Not too bad at all.


04/17 Sand Castle (2017)

.Film about soldiers in the 2nd Iraq war and what a pointlessly fucking pointless waste of everything, clusterwank it turned out to be.

Well, we knew that.

Still, it's well acted, the inevitable action scenes are decently action-y and we wasn't bored.


04/17 Ronin (1998)

.Crime film set in Paris. We spent most of the time wondering what French car would break down first.



04/17 Rings (2017)

.Utterly pointless sequel to the mongingly (new word!) shite remake of the Japanese spookflick.


04/17 The Dark Tapes (2017)

.A fairly decent horror anthology effort.

Want more? Look it up on websites than can be bothered.



Look, they're all 'Perkin' unless stated otherwise. It don't make a bollock either way who claims authorship of this fucking nonsense. 

04/17 Stone Cold (Rifftrax) (1991)

.A film that does most of the heavy lifting for you if your job is taking the piss out of shit films.


04/17 Sleepless (2017)

.Not yet officially released, but leaked onto the usual streaming sites by internet scamps.

Anyway, it's a shit remake of a very good French film. Watch the original instead:


04/17 (2017)

A film with no slashers or websites. Surprising, given the title.

Well, a bit of slashing.

It was shit but fun enough.


04/17 No Retreat, No Surrender (Rifftrax) (1986)

Rifftrax are three fellas who talk over a film, taking the piss out of it. Glad I started with this one as it's probably their funniest effort.

The film itself is much, much more terrible, and unintentionally funny, than I remember it being. In fairness though, I was prob in my early teens some thirty-odd years ago when I last saw this.

04/17 Savages (2012)

.Some drug selling young folk fall out with a Mexican cartel. Of particular note are the twin assassins played by Danny Trejo and Charles Hawtree.

I'm bored of writing this. 


04/17 Terminator Genisys (2015)

Slightly better than Terminator Salvation. But that's like saying getting punched on the dick is better than punched on the balls.

04/17 The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button (2008)

I didn't watch this, Podd did. It's some ol' crap about Brad Pitt becoming the world's oldest baby or suchlike.

04/17 Carry On Behind (1975)

.Considered by many to be the finest film ever made. A thinly-veiled biopic of William Randolph Hearst, its innovative use of cameras, music and story structure have shaped cinema immeasurably since its release in 1941.


04/17 Vengence: A Love Story (2017)

.Nicholas Cage continues his ascent to the throne as the be-wigged champion of mediocre, straight-to-video films with exhaustingly generic titles.

Praise be to the hairpiece king!


04/17 Smoking Guns (2016)

.Reviews have bigged this up for its 'authenticity' and naturalistic acting.

Personally I felt it was more like a shite hybrid of Guy Ritchie and Tarantino's worst nonsense without any of the stuff that makes their films (mostly) worth watching.