Thursday, 30 June 2016

29/06/16 Dad's Army (2016)

Fluffier and less offensive than a kitten in a pullover, but then what do you expect? Fisting and bank robberies? It's a British film, not French damn it!

Sometimes something gentle is just what you need, filmwise.


--/06/16 Harry Brown (2009)

Pensioner confronts some troublesome youths.


--/06/16 Grimsby (2016)

This is a career-killing slice of fucking terrible awful badrubbish.

However life is a strange thing and occasionally you find yourself in the mood to watch a film where a man gets anally penetrated by an elephant.

We enjoyed this far more than we should have and we're very glad that only a handful of people who read this know us in real life.
1/10 but also 7/10

Shut up.


--/06/16 The Last Heist (2016)

Mediocre semi-horror about some people robbing a bank vault.

Ha! 'Semi'.

Anyway, one of the hostages is a serial killer nut bag who decides to have some fun by offing the crims. Henry Rollins plays the killer and is by far the best thing in this. It has some fun moments, but doesn't feel tight enough to hold interest.

Ha! 'Tight'. And 'Hold'.


Sunday, 19 June 2016

18/06/16 Blackway (2015)

Small town crime thing. Kinda good, yet also boring. Filmed almost entirely in grey.


17/06/16 Man Up (2015)

Comedy film that started off funnier than we expected and ended worse than we feared. Simon Pegg's really nailed the whiney fucking twat character in films hasn't he.


17/06/16 Kill Or Be Killed (2015)

Western that wobbles in tone between very serious and knockabout silliness. Also some ghost thing or something going on. Feels longer than it is by then end and mostly forgettable. However it does have the line "I ain't ever pickled a girl before".

A pickle, yesterday.


--/06/16 Wolf (2013)

Excellent Dutch film about ethnic criminal gangs. No clogs or windmills.


--/06/16 Unaware (2010)

Found footage effort where two people find aliens in a shed and shit like that.


--/06/16 Once Fallen (2010)

This film opens with Ed Harris beating a child abuser to death. Sadly that's where the fun ends. twenty years later, his son gets out of jail and tries to go straight, making semi-legit money by fighting people and getting to know the kid he didn't know his ex was expecting.
Meanwhile Ed Harris is still in jail himself for the paedo-slapping and, for some reason, has become the top dog in the ariyan gang in his prison.

Is there a difference between prison and jail? Always seems to be in Yank films. dunno, I always assumed, over here at least, that it was just a name for a place, like Banana Street Vs Banana Avenue or whatnot.

Anyway, Harris is the stand out in this, very compelling presence, the rest of it is a bit beige and formula.


--/0616 Dark Signal (2016)

A low budget Brit-spooker essentially about a ghost calling a radio station phone-in. A bit like LBC but with less cab drivers and right-wing cunts.

There's a secondary plot involving some fella and his misses who are trying to rob a farmer or something. Dunno, that part was messily done and some of the acting was would've looked poor in a primary school nativity.

The stuff in the radio studio was done much better, and if it was the sole occupant of the running time, could've made for a cracking little film. Pontypool (the Canadian film, not the Welsh town) done something similar and done it very well. Prob best to watch that instead.


--/06/16 The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty (2013)

Podd watched this. It's got Ben Stiller in it so I'll hazard a guess at it being shitey ol' shite.
6/10 (Apparently)


--/06/16 The Monuments Men (2014)

Another one Podd saw that I didn't. Might be good, might be total mud biscuits. Dunno.


--/06/16 The Theory Of Everything (2014)

I didn't see this, Podd did. Although Steven Hawkins probably knew that if his theory really does cover everything.

So, like, think his Dr Who loving friends call him Davros? 


--/06/16 Cell (2016)

I've been waiting to see this for flippin' ages as I read the book when it came out and enjoyed it.
The film starts well, in an airport, when 'the signal' turns everyone using a communication device into a murderous loony and they all run around screeching and twatting the uninfected in the face with bricks and axes.

A small group of survivors then take an increasingly boring trip up to a field in an ice cream van and then it ends very, very poorly.



--/06/16 The Bourne Legacy (2012)

Y'know, the shit one.


--/06/16 The Factory (2012)

John Cusack plays Chief Inspector Timothy Plodcop who is trying to find a serial killer/abductor of young women. His daughter, Timothette Frownstrop, ends up being the latest kidnapee so he has to wear a long jacket and drive places fast to save her. The end is arse-twitchingly terrible.


01/06/16 Wild Tales (2014)

Argentinian anthology film. The first four stories are good fun, the one about the feuding motorists in particular. The final two are dull.