A young fella returns from his studies to help out in his dad's kebab shop.
After his dad gets murdered, he decides to take revenge and things start going a bit Sweeney Todd. Y'know, if you're running a kebab shop, murdering the horrific lager-scum who kick off and find yourself with a surplus of "meat"... Well...
Should probably feel worried that the film made me feel a bit hungry.
"Extra large idiot flesh please, just onions, no chilli sauce."
Well acted, good pace, decent effects, depressingly recognisable for anyone who's been in a British town at chucking out time.
A lady who's abroad somewhere, not sure if it's specified, but it's definitely full of all those
dodgy forrins you can't trust, has adopted a baby, or at least rented one for
the day, when it's stolen while she's bimbling around.
She decides to find
her nicked infant by punching the bollocks out of everyone.
compared to Taken elsewhere, and it's not hugely dissimilar, but if Liam Neeson
had a vagina.
(black, white, Asian and crocodile) group of dangerous convicts are released
from prison to have a fight with some computer effects.
All the bad reviews
of this you've read or heard are likely to be accurate. It's shit.
problems with this; weak plotting, overlong running time, poor effects, and,
well, it's just boring. However, my biggest issue is the fact that the selected
members of the 'Squad would surely not be the first choice of a world power
when it came to fighting a menace that threatens the globe:
One guy can shoot
One guy can punch
people hard and is good at swimming.
One guy has some
One lady is a bit
That's about it,
really. I mean, y'know, what's wrong with using, say, the fucking army to
Also, basing a huge
amount of a film's advertising around one woman's sex appeal, and specifically
her arse, well, it's tedious, tired shit.
Low budget indie
horror that tells its story, does a half decent job, then fucks off. Something
'bigger' films could learn a lot from.
I mean it's nonsense,
but all feature films are, really. So if you wan't to watch a short, decent, straight-up, throwback styled horror film about a serial killer who engineers
minor traffic accidents with the victims he's selected, that way he can gain their
contact details to get their addresses for his murder hobby, then you could do
much worse than this.
I might wear that get-up to work on Monday.
Better not though.
Everyone will assume it's Tuesday as that's when I wear my Leatherdeath Murderperv outfit.
In a small American
town, three young people get murdered. One of them is a senator's daughter so
the important FBI people turn up to investigate.
Well, two of 'em do,
and one of them is a bit of a rubbish alcoholic. All the usual stuff about
powerful local families having too much influence in the town, bent sheriffs and all that flannel. Not bad, but not greatly original.
Apparently true story
of some fella who pretended to be a money launderer to dodgy firms, thus
allowing him to play a small part in the eventual downfall of Pablo Escobar.
The Escobar story is
so outlandish, even the basics seem ludicrous. During its most lucrative era,
the cartel was spending $2000 a week on elastic bands to bundle up the (rest of
the) money they were making. You could pretty much make up any story and people
could probably swallow it as fact.
Anyway, I'm looking
forward to this film's sequel, The Infiltrator 2: The Escobar Moon Wars.