As we had a weekend off and nothing to do, we have spent most of the day watching The Horror Channel. The best part of the day was when I went for a nap and had a dream involving Chinese food, paintball guns, rollercoasters and stern women with massive boobs.
Anyway, in this film some people who have literally no acting ability wake up on a beach and then seem to recall being bum-fondled by spacemen. The blonde woman in driving gloves is awful beyond words.
well acted, well scripted, too long and far too politically vague in its message. However, it does have some nice satirical touches; particularly the 'Internet 2' which is a strictly government controlled, sanitised, heavily filtered version of the internet we all know and masturbate to.
Just like the one that clueless, Bullingdon, half-wit, spam-faced, balloon-headed motherfucker David Cameron is so keen to introduce over here in Blighty.
Seriously, if you're British and you voted for that cunt, I will fight you.
Anyway, for all its good acting and possibly good intentions, the film's too boring.
I think this is about the 140th film I've seen that's based on the dubious activities of real-life rumulist Ed "Giggles" Gein.
In this the thinly disguised Gein is called Ezra Cobb, played (superbly) by the brilliantly named actor Roberts Blossom.
Anyway, as you can probably guess, he pisses about with dead people and adds a few to their numbers.
It has an odd realism and griminess that's sadly absent from most modern horror films, not to mention a cast that look like actual people rather than the shiny plastic arseholes that perform impressions of humans on camera these days.
Bonkers twaddle about a woman who goes to a brothel to have an abortion. The foetus gets flushed down the chod-bin and slaps into some toxic stuff which makes him mutate into a big vengeful monster who enjoys scuttling about in the brothel's plumbing.
The horror of having to spend centuries on the run, hidden from both society and your own kind who want you dead, living in a continual series of hovels and slums, void of warmth, friendship, tenderness and love... None of these things are as bad as an evening in Hastings. Imagine Croydon by the sea, but somehow angrier.
Anyway, the film's all, like, boring and shit and I think in this one people become vampires by watching birds fly up a pipe or something. Having said that, I'd watch Gemma Arterton in pretty much anything. Y'know, for wanking purposes.
Not officially released, but leaked onto the net, a video serach will prob dig it up. I wouldn't push yourself too hard though. Good first 20 minutes, then it's fairly meh. Bloke's mum dies, then her ghost tells him to move abroad. It's got the ginger bloke from the Harry Potter films and the twatty one from The Inbetweeners.
This is about the tenth film I've seen where a group of WW2 Allied troops stumble upon some secret Nazi experiment bunker that's using the occult or wacky science to create weapon-zombies. What slightly elevates this one above many of them is the fun design of the zombie/monster things. They're yer basic zombie walker types but with lots of whirly mechanical slicey death-bits added on. Kinda like an angry Ford Capri.
Anyway, if it's your sort of thing and you don't mind wobbly-cam then it's worth a go.
It's not the bumular science, or that just getting bigger somehow makes rabbits carnivores (and growl/roar), or even the frequently chucklesome script and acting. Nope, the biggest flaw with this film is you cannot make a horror film about giant rabbits due to their total inherent adorableness.
"Captain! How did you defeat the huge number of giant rabbits?"
"Stroked their ears. And carrots."
Also, if I saw a ten foot rabbit, I'd just wanna jump on and ride it too work. Leave him in the car park in one of the 'Staff Rabbits Only' bays.