Sunday, 27 November 2016

27/11/16 Westworld (1973)

A bald Nokia goes insane.


25/11/16 Night Of Something Strange (2016)

Started off as a fun OTT horror but it wore me down to the point where I turned it off with only a few minutes left to go.


Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation (2015)

Starring normal-sized, sane man, Tom Cruise.


Going Clear: Scientology And The Prison Of Belief

Starring tall, heterosexual lunatic Tom Cruise.


The Blackcoats Daughter (2015)

I imagine proper film critics will shit-on about how this is moody, dreamlike, sinister, oppressive and reminiscent of Argento or such like.

The words they're looking for are tedious, boring, slow-moving, arse and reminiscent of Argento.


Ouija: The Origin Of Evil (2016)

Apparently this sequel is much better than the first. Haven't seen the original, but I do have a friend with terrible taste in films and he quite liked it, so I can believe that this was superior as it actually, well, was kinda good. Not a classic, but by the standards of horror films in recent years, it stood out enough not to bore the utter wank out of me whilst watching it.


Come And Find Me (2016)

A young chaps' girlfriend goes missing.
He starts looking for her and discovers that she might not have told him the complete truth about what she does for a living. Or what her name is. Or how many people are likely to die if he looks for her.

Reminded me of the excellent French film Tell No One, but not as good. Not that this was total splash or anything, it wasn't too bad at all, but the French one's better.

Not 'cos it's French though. With all their baguettes and wine and shit.

And berets.

And Citeroens.

Who the fuck eats snails?

"What's that thing, Pascal?"

"What thing?"

"That small, jellied creature with eyes on sticks?"

"That, Pierre, is a snail. They're invertebrate mud-dwelling fingers of slime."

"Shall we eat them?"

"Yes! But to make it even more disgusting, we should immerse them in butter and garlic as we do so."

"It is the French way."

"47 more bottles of wine?"

"Don't mind if I do."


Once Bitten (1985)

Pretty atrocious comedy where a young Jim Carrey plays a fella who gets bitten by a seductive vampire and starts slowly turning into one.

Has a dance routine, a sure sign of a shit film.


Death Sentence (2007)

I didn't watch this, Podd did.

I have seen it before though. From what I remember, Kevin Bacon's family get murdered, so he shaves his head, buys some guns and kills them back. That'll teach them.


Body Snatchers (1993)

It's been far too long since I've seen a film where a child is thrown from a helicopter. Doesn't happen nearly enough.


Fear, Inc. (2016)

A man hires some people to scare him. Gets scared. Better than I thought it'd be, but I have low expectations.

About everything really.

I'm rarely surprised.


Hell Or High Water (2016)

Two excitable yokel brothers, who live in an area of Texas where people appear to only speak in vowels, start robbing banks to pay off the money owed to the bank who plan on repossessing their ranch as it sits on an abundance of oil.

Not as amazing as some reviews suggest, but definitely a solid film of its type.


The Free State Of Jones (2016)

During the American Civil War, a mixed race group of army deserters and escapee/freed slaves thought "Fuck all this bollocks, let's set up our own place far away from the politics of wealth and race that is getting people killed in huge numbers."
150 years later, some people still consider Newton Knight, a white man who played a formative role in this separatist idea based on freedom and fairness, to be a traitor to his country.
So the lesson from this film, you could say, is that no matter how hard you try and make the world a better place, there's always gonna be stupid cunts.

This film was a box office bomb. Political perspectives aside, I'm surprised. It's set in an interesting period, the story told is a fascinating one, and the battle scenes are both horrific and greatly exciting.

Worth a watch.


The Post (2016)

This was possibly a half decent creature feature, but I watched it a bit too late and wasn't taking much notice. I think it was probably decent enough to warrant a second viewing. I shall report further if I do.


Dog Eat Dog (2016)

Mark Kermode really ripped into this, describing it as a sub-Tarantino mess, full of loathsome, misanthropic, cliched arseholes.

Which is pretty fair, although it did have a couple of funny lines.


The Last Run (1971)

A former getaway driver who has retired to an idyllic Portuguese coastal village decides to do one more high risk job.
Unusually, it's not because he needs the money or the bad guys are holding his gerbil hostage, it's because he's bored.

I've read a few times about astronauts struggling with depression after returning to Earth because they realise nothing they witness or achieve again in their life will have the magnitude or significance of looking down at our planet from space. It must be an experience that is difficult to articulate, to gaze upon our existence from the position of the gods.

Anyway, the driver is feeling his version of spaceman glumness, so takes on the job of driving a prison escapee across a few countries so he can be taken into hiding by his people. Things don't go as smoothly as planned and they soon have assorted plod and henchgoons giving chase as they zoom around some incredibly scenic parts of '70s Europe.


Thunderbolt And Lightfoot (1974)

In the opening scene of this film a man drives an oversized car with a V8 engine to a rural church where he pulls out a gun and starts shooting.

Possibly the most American combination of activities ever committed to film.

I suppose the British equivalent would be to walk somewhere in the pissing rain, to then stand in a que and politely moan about tea.

The rest of the film is some ol' hoo-ha about robbing a bank and whatnot.


The Darkest Dawn (2016)

Aliens invade middle class areas of Britain, leaving just a brave handful of people who can't act for bum to stay alive and form a resistance movement.

That pretty much sums up the plot, however, the two things worth mentioning are the effects, which for a low budget film are fantastically well done, and a fella called Stuart Ashen plays a character early in the film. He has a YouTube channel that is one of the more entertaining ones I know of, where he does sarcastic reviews of strange snacks, knock-off imitation goods and Pound Shop tat.


A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)

Third in the series of films about a sharp-fingered paedo.

Good effects here and there, mostly terrible everywhere else.

The Day (2011)

Film about some people trying to survive in a post-apocalyptic world where apparently colours no longer exist. Dull and grey both appearance and as a critical experience.


Subterranea (2015)

A guy wakes up in the outside world having spent all his life living in a cell underground. Decides to try and work out why he'd been kept hidden for so long. Can't remember what it actually was, but it was nothing interesting like  him being part-mole or anything.