09/07/13 The Demented (2013)

Low budget zombie film. Some good stunts, lots of corridors. Same film I've seen before fifty hundred times.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2113792/
5/10

Perkin.

07/07/13 Star Wars (1977)

A small blonde man has the horn for his sister. A muscular Bristolian with a black helmet doesn't like him. But you've seen it, so you know that.


http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0076759/
Choose your own score.

Perkin.

06/07/13 Death Proof (2007)

Kurt Russell crashes an old car.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1028528/
6.5/10

"Ooh! Window!" *Lick*

You don't have to look at this picture. It's pretty much just for me.

Nice of Eddie Izzard to give the girls a lift home.

great time last night, went out, got legless!

Perkin.

06/07/23 Maximum Risk (1996)

Jean Claude Van Damme plays a chap who goes over to America to kick some people.

Has a car chase involving entirely French cars and not a single one breaks down. Movie magic, probably CGI or clever editing.

Le merde.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117011/
3/10

Perkin.

06/07/13 The Employer (2013)

Some people die in a room, Billy Zane does an impression of the Oxo Family dad.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1863203/
3/10

"Would you like some gravy?"

Perkin.

05/07/13 A Field In England (2013)

Tedious, intentionally opaque, sixth-former wank.

Ben Wheatley film score: 1 good, 1 great, 1 average, 1 shit.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2375574/
2/10

Perkin.

05/07/13 Evil Dead (2013)

The original Evil Dead deserves its reputation as a horror classic. It succeeds where most horrors fail by actually being scary. One of the other things that works so well is the build-up, you know something is very wrong, but it's only during the card playing scene that things go completely hat stand and stays bonkers until the film ends.

Anyway, a remake was predictable; blah, blah, blah, pre-established brand awareness, weak script, profit.

After an introductory scene that completely gives away what the film's going to be like and massages the idiot valves of the (presumed) attention span deficient audience, a group of blandly cinegenic twenty-somethings go to a cabin in the woods to group-hug the world's healthiest looking heroin addict while she kicks the habit.

They find some dead cats and book of evil in the basement, one of 'em gets some twigs up her arse and the film spends 60 minutes doing a piss-poor cover version of the original.

It's tepid, boring, badly acted ol' wank and really not worth bothering with. Fucking shite for idiots.

It gets an extra point for some impressive practical effects.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1288558/
2/10

Terrifying/tedious, I always get those two mixed up.

Perkin.