15/07/14 Army Of The Damned (2013)

Only watched this about five hours ago, and I'd already forgotten what it was about. Thankfully not an indication of early senility, just a reflection of how engrossing this film was.

Some reality TV show follows some copperplods into a house with noisy inhabitants, there's some dead people and  some weird kid. Bad acting, some zombies, finally ends. Shite.


http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2570436/
2.5/10

Not even as good as that ridiculous poster suggests.

Perkin.

13/07/14 A Perfect Getaway (2009)

Some people get murdered on an island, by golly! Who can the baddies be?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0971209/
5/10

11/07/14 Blue Ruin (2013)

Written enough today, read the other reviews about this, the ones written by people who pretend films are actually important.

Anyway, this is bloody excellent!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2359024/
10/10

Perkin.

10/07/14 Sabotage (2014)

67yr old Arnold Shwazenegger's  comeback continues to dribble weakly out of Hollywood like piss from a pensioner's trouser leg.

Everyone perform's terribly and the twist is shite. Deserves to be lost and forgotten, like an old man's buspass gathering dust behind a sofa.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1742334/
1/10

Perkin.

08/07/14 The Terminator (1984)

I've seen this a bagillion times before, but this was the first time I'd seen it on Blu-Ray. So it was the same film, but lovely and shiny.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088247/
10/10

Perkin.

08/07/14 Gangster Squad (2013)

For some reason, this got critically shafted when there's far worse films that get an opinion-wank. Ah well, I quite enjoyed it in a disposable way.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1321870/
6.5/10

Ryan Gosling can fuck off though. We think he's shit.


Perkin.

07/07/14 Hard To Kill (1990)

You ever seen Raging Bull? Probably. You know how to show the different phases of a mans life stretching over two or three decades Robert DeNiro put himself through an incredibly punishing training regime so that his physique and skills were entirely convincing as a world champion boxer, followed by the binge dieting that assaulted his health and turned him into a grotesque, bloated lump?

This:

Now, I hate tedious luvvie wank where people big-up 'The Craft' or describe acting as art, it's not, it's people pretending to be other people and getting money for it, however, good acting is impressive and DeNiro's above example is unarguably an admirable commitment to a role.

So, with all that in mind, how do you think Steven Seagal, one of enternity's finest actors, uses his near limitless tool set of acting skills to convey the fact that he has just woken from a seven year coma? Surely not just look a bit confused and wear a shit fake beard?

Oh.

Oh well. Anyway, Stevey plays some copperplod with an unlikely name, Mirribelle Bumcake or something similar, and he takes some pictures of some bad guys, his wife gets killed, he has a nap for seven years, then he biffs some baddies and it ends.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099739/

2/10

His face looks odd and smooth. Like the tip of a penis.

Perkin.