Saturday, 13 October 2012

12/10/12 Cobra (1986)

Children of the Internet, be glad!

You've grown up in a time of instant access, mass gratification, information overload.

When me and my people were trying to work out what kind of humans we were, we had to learn the hard way. None of this status update, iPhone, Google maps, telephone vote, 500 TV channel, online shopping, blu-ray, pre-sanitised shit for us. You pissy little fucks. Nope, we had miserable weather, tory governments*, the cold war and fucking terrible shit like this film as our relief from the crushing banality of everyday life.

I'm almost surprised it took me 26 years to finally watch this fucking shit and confirm my suspicions that it was a load of pig-awful bum-rape. Stallone, eh? What a wonky-mouthed cunt. How can you go from showing such initial promise (Rocky 1) to so rapidly becoming such a fucking arsehole.

I dunno, what I'm basically saying with this is that I'm jealous of young people and that this film's awful.

Shitness is a disease, meet the cause.


*Yeah, got another one. Any bastard that voted for 'em can put their name on my cunt list. Wankers.

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