Saturday, 15 February 2014

14/02/14 Alligator II: The Mutation (1991)

One of those monster films where they don't fully reveal the monster until some way into the film. Odd as:

1. It's a sequel, if anyone had seen the original, they'd probably have a good idea what the baddie's gonna look like.

2. It's got the word Alligator in the cocking title. If it turned out that the thing living in the sewer, eating people was a massive hamster or a fat bloke, that might've been a surprise worth waiting for.

What is actually surprising is how boring the film is. The original was crapula nonsense but great fun, this one plays it too straight and rides the dullbus all the way to Tedium-Upon-Thames.

"Ha! Gary, you're drinking wine like a puff!"
"Shut up, Miriam."

I'd like to buy a boxy, dull looking car made of right angles and finished in an unappealing colour, please."
"Certainly, Sir. Take this Chrysler Blandox for an un-enthralling test pootle."

"I'm gonna make you a woman, Guttenberg!"
"Call me Deborah!"

Concrete Earth Mother is giving birth to a bad actor!

"What's the plan?"
"Hit tha, club, drop my latest phat DJ set, score some Crystal and bitches"
"Sweet, homie."

Stand up anyone who wants to be in Alligator 3...

Spoiler Alert: This is the bad guy.

Although those cunning 'Gators are masters of disguise. This one's trying to blend in by wearing a boat.



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