Monday, 24 February 2014

24/02/14 A Trip To Mars (1918)

I meant to watch and review this ages ago, but then I forgot for 96 years.

Some fella with wonky hair and a dodgy leather suit decides to fly off to Mars so after practising in some wooden planes he presses ahead with the scheme. Surprisingly, him and his crew make it to the red planet, flying there in a steam and propeller powered bi-plane/dildo hybrid.

There's people living on Mars who are like some bunch of robe wearing space hippies. They look a bit like the weirdos at the end of The Wicker Man, but with no virgin plod blistering in a hamper. There also appears to be some bunch of cavemen types living on there who are the baddies or something. Anyway, one of the crew falls in love with a space lady, some old dude floats off in a boat on a space lake and then they come home.

It's honestly hard to judge this film by any kind of modern standards, or with a contemporary eye, but most people have seen enough footage of the silent era to know how 'silly' these things look, so if it's your sort of thing you'll probably love it. Me, I thought it was camp, fun, silly old guff. The picture quality, considering its century age, is also superb.

Street gangs were much more formal back then. This is the Oakwood 8-Tray Crips toasting the loss of their homies, G-Bomb and Lil' Nine-Gat.

"Hello, welcome to the Easyjet flight 4158 to the other side of this field. One of our staff will soon be coming round with a selection of snacks and gif... Never mind, we're on fire and about to crash. Planes are great back in these times!"

"Utter filth! You can see their ankles and everything!"

"Oh, sweet, darling Miriam. May... May I mash your tits?"
"Yes, Gary! Have a grip on them sin pillows!"

"Cheers, love. Gettin' a right bonk-on"

100 years ago this was all, like, Facebook and shit.

Mars. Basically the Glastonbury Festival in space.

"What does that valve do?"
"It's the complex control mechanism for the rocket engines. No, hang on, it's a breadmaker or something."
"So, you, er, don't know?"
"Haven't got a scooby, Cap'n."


Ha! In the tags, Ijust spelt it 'Marse'. LOLingtons.

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