Thursday, 25 June 2015

23/06/15 Poltergeist (2015)

Brand awareness, the enemy of creativity. It means every 10-20 years films that had enough cultural impact to be known, in name, by people who were too young or not yet born when they came out, get a remake shit onto the canvas for a whole new generation to "enjoy".

"The Poltergeist title had good recognition in the 15-25 demographic. If we start filming next week we can go for a June release."

"Dollars Goldberg is producing. Instucting us to drop the menace and make the family as white and bland as possible. He says anything above a 'mild peril' warning will have an impact on the opening weekend take."


"Essentially a photocopy of the original, just dropped in a few iPhones. Apple have agreed product placement. Including them, Chevrolet and the Happy Meal tie-in, production costs already covered."

"What about effects, we gonna go practical like the original?"

"Shit no. CGI in post. Less time, less money."

"Less convincing."

"You're fired."

Or something close to the above. Anyone involved in this production at any level who has used the words "Dark", "Complex", "Reimagining", "Reboot", "Generation" or similar deserve to have their fingers kicked off.

With the exception of Jared Harris' enjoyable performance, this film was every bit as unsatisfying and soft-edged as you'd expect.

Poltergeist is an anagram of Reg's Tit Pole. That would be a much better film.


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