Tuesday, 29 May 2012

28/05/12 The Wicker Man (2006)

Yeah, everyone knows it's shite, and it is. But, unlike every other bastard in the world, we here at 'Plop Towers consider the original to be a massive fucking pile of room temprature wank.

Seriously, get off your fucking idiot-horse and watch it again with your eyes and brain. It's fucking terrible. Piss-poor shite about a grumpy virgin plod who fucks off to an island full of nutjobs and gets sentenced to death in a giant laundry basket by a dress wearing arsehole? Fucking rubbish! And Britt Ekland's great nude scene was a stunt arse, so even that was fake.

With that in mind, obviously a slick, high budget yank remake with Nicolas Cage -who peaked 19yrs ago in Red Rock West*, and now appears to be the main performer in a terrible Nicolas Cage tribute act- is gonna be fucking bumwash.

So shut up.

1/10 (Also applies to the original)


*Alright, maybe Con Air. Even 8MM was good. How many other mainstream, studio films can you think of that involved snuff porn and murderous gimps? Point is, aside from a brief blip with Lord Of War, Cage has been heading down the shitter for fucking ages.

And Maybe Bad Lieutenant.

Drive Angry was fun in parts, but that was entirely William Fitchner who done that. Odd faced, lizardy chap, but proper good in that film.

That's enough, be off with you.


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