25/12/2015 Sexy Beast (2000)

We watched this with my parents on Christmas Day evening. We're in our 40s but were still made to feel slightly awkward by all the swearing.

Ex-crim is talked into doing one final job by his psychopath chum.

8/10

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0203119

Podd

02/06/15 Dog Day Afternoon (1975)

Al Pacino robs a bank because his friend no longer wants a penis. I'd be lost without mine, if I'm honest. Robbing a bank could be a laugh though.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0072890/
8/10

Perkin.

29/05/2015 Dumb & Dumber To (2014)

*cough* some parts of this had us in tears of laughter. We were obviously thinking about something else.

Let's never speak of this again.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2096672

8/10 (but don't tell anyone)

Podd

25/04/2015 Educating Rita (1983)

Never seen this before although I remember it being a big deal when it was released.  The fashions look horribly dated but the story is still a good one, as is the script and the general message.  Michael Caine's grumpy professor is arguably one of his best performances (but this of course was before The Muppet Christmas Carol ;) ) and Julie Walters plays her part perfectly.

Being an Open University student I was interested in this for the OU factor although it is largely irrelevant and barely mentioned. Distance learning has now changed massively with a majority of it happening online but reading some fellow students posts on forums sadly the attitudes of some husbands to their wives undertaking courses has not improved (none of that goes on here at Plop Towers of course).

8/10

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085478/

Podd

21/04/2015 Drive Angry (2011)

We've watched and plopped this before, too many times to deny we really enjoy this nonsense.  William Fitchner makes it.

8/10

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1502404

Podd

05/01/14 Eat The Peach (1986)

Two Irish chaps lose their jobs and decide to fill their time by building, then riding, a motorcycle Wall Of Death. This is apparently based on a true story, which, combined with cold Guinness, makes me think Ireland might be the best place in the world.

It's a gentle, warm film that ambles along and finishes where it should. Far from perfect, but very likable.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0090993/
8/10

Early Kanye West appearance Feat. Sean Hitler on drums.

"Is this your lorry, Sir?"

"No, officer. I'm a sheep."

As someone who briefly owned/rode a (much larger) trike, I'd like to say: fuck that!

Swiss Tony cameo!

"Building a wall of death, Paul, is much like making love to a beautiful woman. First you find some wasteground, then you grab your hammer... Wait. That's not right."

"What's that Pink Bear?"

"I said, you two get started and I'll join in after taking some photos."

The Irish drinking. Unusual, but it probably happens occasionally.

Perkin.

15/11/14 The Evil Dead (1981)

Had a chum stay over, he's one of those chaps who has yet to see a surprising number of films that I assume everyone has, but then I remember that not everyone has wasted as much time as me sat in front of the idiot box watching such an arseload of films.

Anyway, you probably know this film (unless you're like my chum Dave, in which case possibly not), it's about some young people who go to a cabin, read a book out loud, interact vigorously with the local foliage and become mostly dead. And evil.

Still effective thirty years on, although the plasticine shit at the end is pretty weak even for the era and budget.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0083907/
8/10

Oh, the remake a year or two ago, fucking awful.

Perkin.

12/10/14 Two-Lane Blacktop (1971)

Nothing like the magazine called 'Black Top' I found as a teen back in the '80s.

Apparently the director of this film starved his cast of sleep in the hope that it would make their performances flat and ambiguous, allowing the viewer to interpret what little story and character development there is for themselves, the goal (supposedly) being that the audience would fill the void with the colours that reflected their own, everyone coming away with their own version of what the film meant.

Although this sounds like, and actually is, fairly pretentious twaddle, and sleep or not, some of the acting is piss-poor, it does kinda work.
You could equally view the film as a celebration of non-conformity and freedom, where every stop for a burger on the back roads of a vast nation offered new potential adventures, or you could see it as a story of true nothingness, no real beginning, end or message, the endless roads over an unyielding landscape highlighting how brief and unimportant our spark of appearance on the map of eternity truly is.

Or you could just argue that it's a load of old wank that drives right up it's own arse and stays there. All would be fairly valid opinions. Or anything in between.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0067893/
8/10 or 1/10 or whatever.

"Fucking 'ell, Jeff. Don't drink the oil, you twat."

I wish cars still looked like this. Not yellow though, that's a shit colour.

In the early 1970s, everyone used to look at different things.

"Step on it, you fucking mincer."

"Grey, raining and cold. This ain't bad but I wan't something even more depressing"

"That's better!"

"What you driving these days, Clive?"

"Some fucking ponced-up shopping trolley."

"Yellow with a V8?"

"Yeah, that's the one."

"You look like Matthew Corbett"

"Fuck off you fuzzy wank."

Perkin.

21/07/14 The Battery (2012)

Low budget, well acted, amusingly scripted zombie flick with a much funnier wanking scene than you'd expect from a film of this type.

Occasionally wobbles on the hipster/indie line but never falls off. Definitely one of the better zombie films you'll see for a while.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2272350/
8/10

Perkin.

15/07/14 7 Days (2010)

Powerful, bleak, superbly acted film from the French bit of Canada. 

An eight-year-old girl is kidnapped, raped and murdered. Her dad gets hold of the man who is suspected of doing it and tortures -literally- the shit out of him. 

Told you it was bleak. 

It's an excellent film, but very hard to define as 'entertainment'.

Having said all that, I noticed with great amusement that the woman who plays the mother of the victim is called Fanny Mallette.

Awesome name. I wish she would bring out a range of BDSM dungeon tools, Fanny Mallette's fanny mallet. Jefferey Pummeledshaft's Penis Anvils. Etc.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0445054/

8/10

Perkin.

27/06/14 Violent Saturday (1955)

Cracking vintage heist film. If given to the right people, a remake could be excellent. However, I've little doubt that it would be written and directed by some crayon munching fuckwit who would turn it into a shite music video with guns. So, yeah, just watch this one instead.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0048790/
8/10

Blimey! Look at the length of that plume coming from the chimney!

Still, in those days things like pollution were not such an issue.

"Smith's plastic disposal incinerator, pumping wonderful sky nutrients into your atmosphere!"

"So, how drunk are you?"

"Well, let's just say..." *Slides key over* "I'm in room 237"...*Wink*

Abraham Lincoln used to occasionally take the wife and kids out for a trip into the 1950s.

"Put on a hat you little wanker."

Perkin.

21/06/14 Animal (2014)

Five young people of varying shades of slappable go off for a hike in the woods and get pursed by a bitey monster. they hide in a shed with some other people, then most of them die.

 Pretty much sums it up.

It's low budget and should be terrible, but it's actually quite a decent effort. Don't get me wrong, it's no equal to The Thing, but for what it is, it's very entertaining and the monster is either CGI that looks better than the effects used in films costing twenty times as much or it's a superb man in a rubber suit type effort. And it's certainly tons better than The Thing sequel from a few years ago.

 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2996684/
8/10 (Y'know, relative an' all that.)

Perkin.

28/04/14 Sleep Tight (2011)

Spanish film where a rum bugger with massive eyebrows stalks a lady and buys some porn for a child.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1437358/
8/10

Perkin.

15/04/14 The Terrornauts (1967)

Never heard of this until Empire magazine reviewed it last month describing it as a British version of Plan 9 From Outer Space with Charles Hawtrey. Pretty fair summary.

Lovely silly twaddle.


http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0062355/
8/10

"Sick beats, blud."

"Aye, gonna drop a phat mix on yo bitches."

Brilliant!

"Lord above man! We may be facing death from a hostile alien force, but there's still room for tea. We're British, not savages!"

"Quite right, Barnaby!"

*Slurp*

"Not in public, Gary! Put it back in my drawer."

No expense spared, or actually used, in set design.

"Where's Grandma, Grandad?"

"Funny story lad, you're holding her."

I'm tired, but imagine some caption involving the banana and innuendo.

"Have you done something new with your hair?"

"Glaaaaaarg reethh asshh"

"Oh, a new claw! I knew there was something different."

Perkin.

13/01/14 The Outlaw Josey Wales (1976)

Before he became a right-wing pensioner, Clint Eastwood used to make excellent Westerns. Like this one.


http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0075029/
8/10

Perkin.

08/12/13 Vanishing Point (1971)

If you live in England, road movies can seem a little alien due to the relatively tiny distances from any one point to the next. Crossing a thousand miles of blue sky desert on the scorched two-lane black-top looks fantastic. Going from Winnersh to Dunstable  (54 miles) via the A40 in the drizzle is a reminder that life is unrewarding and pointless.

In this film, a man with hair that looks like a pube-hat, drives a Dodge muscle car across the desert non-stop over a couple of days buzzed on amphetamines, avoiding the roadblocks and pursuing police.

The British equivalent is when you watch 'Police! Camera! Action!' and witness a knackered Corsa screeching through a council estate being chased by a police Astra that ends when the Corsa crashes into  a Tesco Express and the driver is arrested for possession of five aspirin and a bootleg watch.

Bloody hell, Britain's a bit wank.

Anyway, for all it's dated visuals, odd performances, and terrible hair styles, this film still works as a tribute to rebellion. A middle finger to conformity and conservative authority.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0067927/
8/10

Croydon - 5 Miles

This guy was (seriously) 32yrs old when this was filmed. Probably some Benjamin Button shit going on.

"Holler back at me, bitches."

Just as well the desert doesn't have corners.

"Look up there, Timmy! I've sellotaped your nan to the chimney"

"Lol"

Keith Lemon. What an unfunny cunt.

The 1971 Desert Olympics: Formal 100 metres.

I may move to the desert.

"Take my urine sample and go in peace, road warrior."

"Thanks, Brenda."

"Come and touch me on the pancakes."

Perkin.