02/05/14 Way Of The Wicked (2014)

Not yet released, presumably because the makers watched it back after finishing it.

Vinnie Jones is poorly cast as some loving dad who's (possibly, can't remember) a cop. Problem is, Jones has a manner and face reminiscent of a punch and so when he's spouting dialogue like:

 "I love you, precious daughter. Here, have five ponies. You're as delicate as a cloud."

It sounds like his intention is:

"I'm going to smash your eyes off with a brick and kick you under a van."

It also has Christian Slater looking unhappy.

He's probably a bit skint these days.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2483208/
2.5/10

05/01/14 Alien Tornado (2012)

Aliens invade Earth disguised as a cloud. As good as it sounds. Still watched it though.


http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1942798/
4/10

Perkin.

20/10/13 Scar (2007)

Derivative, charisma-free, torture-porn shite that's about as much fun as licking piss off a nettle but without the novelty of doing so.

Angela Bettis was the main draw, as we've had a soft spot for her since seeing the underrated 'May', as well as her enjoyable appearance in the (mostly very disappointing) Masters of Horror series. Her contribution to The ABCs of Death wasn't as bad as many of 'em, either.

Anyway, in this, she plays a woman who was tortured in her home town a number of years ago by an unlikely serial killer, she goes back to the town and people start getting killed again. If I lived in a town where the colour had been so mercilessly de-saturated, leaving absolutely everything rain-cloud grey, I'd probably welcome being offed. Although, having said that, it'd still beat Croydon.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0847520/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1
2/10

Perkin.