Wednesday, 27 February 2013

26/02/13 Mama (2013)

Film starts with a man who's gone a bit wonky in the headbrain. Something's gone a bit bollock-shaped at work or something so he goes home, possibly shoots his wife and decides to take his kids out for a drive and crash the car, and hide in a knackered cabin in the woods.
There's also a ghost who lives in the cabin, a skinny doris who looks like she's been dipped in mud. She kills the dad then adopts the kids for a few years, like some type of foster ghost, hence she becomes the kid's 'Mama'. She appears to raise them on a diet of cherries and moths.

Anyway, kids get found, the dad's less mentally wobbly brother and his annoying Mrs become their guardians and get given a big house to live in with the now semi-feral kids. The Ghost also moves in to the new place and spends a lot of time in the cupboard/under the bed/the ceiling.

This was based on a three minute short film which I'm willing to bet was massively better. Every jump-scare can be seen coming like a big, spindly, mud-dipped bungalow on wheels. Tedious.

Also, paedo-bearded hack Guillermo del Toro produced this sack of wank. Film people pretend this is important. Arseholes.

Fuck so-called horror films that smooth all the edges down in an attempt to appeal to as broad an audience as possible.


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