Thursday, 17 March 2016

16/03/16 Point Break (2015)

Achieves the impressive by making the original seem like a mature, thoughtful film with a credible plot and brilliant performances.

Acting: you could draw a face on a balloon, pin it to a shirt and achieve something similar.

Ray Winstone's accent: Starts of as bad American, then, literally, half way through one scene, he gives up and becomes the same Cockney wanker he's been for forty years.
West 'Am, Chas & Dave, Pint of lager, a black eye for Shirley, gawd bless the Krays etc.

Dialogue: Possibly scripted by some form of moderately sentient potato.

Directed by a guy called Ericson Core. A mobile phone directed this film?

A plot about a bunch of eco-extremists who attain spiritual enlightenment via a series of 8 extreme sports challenges and try and save the planet by leaving possibly the biggest carbon footprint ever created by a small group of people and singuarly depleting the remaining supplies of fossil fuels by a significant amount:

"My brethren, we shall save the planet?"


"First we shall drive our massive off road vehicles to where we have stored or endless collection of powerful two-stroke motorbikes, which we shall then ride to the dock. Upon arrival, we shall each take a powerboat out to a massive luxury yacht so we can drink champagne and listen to loud, dull music."

"Will there be women there?"

"Yes, but they shall be forgettable and poorly written."

"Excellent! By the way, all you tattoos are really wank"


In conclusion, this is awful and a good reminder as to why I prefer watching low budget shit that knows it's shit rather than high budget shit that pretends it isn't.



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